


Memories and Understanding

by NebulaEyes



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Met Before The Fall (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley in Love (Good Omens), BAMF Crowley (Good Omens), Blood and Torture, Crowley Has Two Penises (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Dorks in Love, Fluff and Angst, I Made Myself Cry, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mates, Memories, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Pain Train, Rating May Change, Repressed Memories, Sexual Content, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Tags May Change, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens), Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), Torture, Truth Serum, Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:27:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24158101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NebulaEyes/pseuds/NebulaEyes
Summary: After dining at the Ritz for their victory meal, Aziraphale asks Crowley his further plans. The answer shocks him and they have a discussion that reveals more than the angel bargained for. While Aziraphale was stunned beyond belief, God enters his bookshop and offers to show him what he didn't know about himself and Crowley in Heaven. She offers to show him things that only she and Crowley knew, the life he and Crowley had together, and what Crowley was like when he wasn't around. He accepts, but once again receives more than he bargained for.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & God (Good Omens), Crowley & Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 144





	1. What Now?

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's tagged, but I know many people are like me and read the summary first and think of the tags later, but rating MAY change to M or E and the tags will be added as needed per chapter. I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading this note!

"Well, what now, my Dear?" Aziraphale asked carefully as their victory meal came to an end. "What will you do now?"

Crowley shrugged his shoulders while he attempted to hide a grin. It was all over. He was free. Even for a moment. He could do anything he actually wanted to do. "Think I might find a place outside of London and wait for a perfect night so I can lay beneath the stars and watch them until dawn." He chanced a look at Aziraphale, and was pleasantly surprised when he noticed the angel's jaw was dropped and his eyes were wide. "You may want to close your mouth, Angel. You'll catch flies."

He abruptly closed his mouth in pure disbelief, and he was sure no one could blame him. Six thousand years and he's never heard Crowley sound so completely soft. "I...forgive me, Crowley, but it's just...you sound...soft and...well...I just...in six thousand years, I've never known you to sound so...human. I mean, not that we are, but...there's an honest joy in your tone that...I'm sorry to say that I haven't heard before."

"Hmm..." He smiled, which was another thing that stunned Aziraphale. It was genuine, calm, and mirthful. "...well, can you blame me, Angel? I'm free. We're BOTH free."

"Well, yes, quite, but...I rather think that, you know, you were somewhat in your element in Hell. What with the mischief and all." Aziraphale clarified as the waiter handed them the check, miraculously unaware of their conversation.

Crowley let out a heavy sigh as he shook his head. "It was not my element, Aziraphale. Trust me when I say that you've no idea what my element is...or...was. Probably still is if I really tried. Perhaps she'd let me."

"Perhaps...who...would let you do what, Dear boy?"

"Perhaps God would let me return to my element now." Crowley stated calmly, despite knowing that the sentence alone was likely enough to break Aziraphale's sanity and thought process, but he wasn't bound to Hell anymore, so there was no longer a need to pretend he didn't have faith in Her anymore.

"Y-Y-You...but...we...Crowley...even if we gave Adam the little extra nudge, we still attempted to stop the Apocalypse and then we fooled our head offices. God wanted the world to end. I witnessed that and realized that when the Metatron said..."

"First of, Metatron was always a wanker. Ever since he was created. He used to pull on the other little fledglings wings, and I'd have to put him in a corner with his ankles miracles tied to the ground so he couldn't fly away from being put in the corner."

"He...you...just how old ARE you, Crowley!?"

"A great deal older than you, Aziraphale." He smirked, which eased Aziraphale only slightly, because not only had Heaven changed since the Apocawhoops, but it seemed Crowley had as well.

"Crowley, I do wonder...did Adam alter you as well?"

"No, I would've known. Just like I had known that you had new books in your bookshop that weren't there before." He stood up from the table and Aziraphale followed after paying enough for their food and a hefty tip as well, not that he had realized it, because he was dumbfounded at Crowley's words since their meal came to an end.

"What do you mean...new books? How could you notice new books in my shop? It's a right mess and I know it."

"I know about all of the books in your bookshop, Aziraphale. I remember every single one of them that you talked about, whether it was one that you read, bought, had to verbally wrestle someone for, or that you borrowed with permission. I know about all of them. I remember every conversation we've ever had in general. That's including the ones when we were BOTH in Heaven." He opened the door for Aziraphale, watching as the stunned and speechless angel slowly got into the car. Once he was in, Crowley got into his side and began heading for the bookshop.

When they eventually arrived, Aziraphale didn't fully realize it until he heard and somewhat felt the car door open on his side. He looked up at Crowley with a burning curiosity and a hint of dread. "I...won't...won't you come inside?" He asked with a shaken breath.

Crowley smiled down at him and held out his hand. "That would imply that you're going inside as well, Angel. You're still in the car."

Aziraphale blinked at him several times and nodded his head. "Right, of course." He said before taking Crowley's hand, which felt just as strangely calloused as he had noticed them to be when they held hands for the first time on the bus they took to Crowley's flat.

When they eventually got inside and into the backroom, Crowley noticed that the angel hadn't asked what the new books were or where they were, which began to concern him. "Aziraphale?" He asked as they sat down.

"Hmm?" Aziraphale asked as he looked at the floor as if it would give whatever answers he had hoped to have.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I can just head back to my flat if you want."

"N-No, I...you...you said we knew each other in Heaven?"

"We did, but I've known this whole time that they took your memories from you."

"H-How did you know that? W-Were we close?" He asked, and he had hoped to receive an answer like Crowley's previous answer, but when he asked that, he looked up and found that Crowley had taken his glasses off, and his eyes were shimmering with pain, guilt, regret, and heartache. _'No!'_ Aziraphale thought. _'That doesn't belong there! That look should be gone! We've fooled our head offices! Why is that look there!? Why is he making such an expression!?'_

"I..." Crowley cleared his throat as he put his glasses on. "...I think I need to go check up on my plants, Angel." He stood up to leave, and Aziraphale grabbed his wrist desperately and with a pounding heart that he didn't need. "Aziraphale..." Crowley sighed. "Please."

The simple word and the brokenness of it made Aziraphale feel like a bolt of lightning struck his heart in a painful way. "Don't go, I...have I said or done something wrong?"

Crowley sent him a sad smile and that almost made it worse in Aziraphale's eyes. "If you had said or done something wrong, I'm sure you wouldn't see those beautiful white wings on your back."

"Beautiful?" Aziraphale squeaked, but soon shook his head. "No, tell me, Crowley. I...I thought we were having a wonderful evening and then I asked how you knew they took my memories...and it...well...to quote you, Dear boy...it went down like a lead balloon. Why did it bother you?"

"Aziraphale, you don't want to know. Trust me, you don't. It's...It was over six thousand years ago. It's not..."

"Don't say it's not important, Crowley! I knew you and I forgot! We talked in Heaven, I...were...were we friends?" When Crowley slowly shook his head with a resigned sigh and expression, Aziraphale could've sworn his unnecessary heart screeched to a halt in its pattern. "Then why...why would you remember our conversations? An acquaintance wouldn't remember conversations...not all of them and after many conversations I would think we were no longer acquaintances."

"We um...No, we weren't friends. We were never really acquaintances either. I...we...Angel, I should REALLY go take care of my plants. They...they need a scolding. I'm sure they've got spots and..."

"TELL ME!" Aziraphale cried out desperately, and it was too late that he realized he had unwittingly laced his words with truth serum. It was a skill most Principalities had, and he was one of them. He hadn't used it on Crowley since their conversation at Jesus' crucifixion, and he hadn't planned to.

However, it was too late for that, because after he said that, Crowley immediately shouted back, "You were my mate and I begged God to make you forget!" Both of them blanched and in an instant Crowley was gone.

* * *

Not that Aziraphale had noticed, but it had been a full day and he hadn't moved from his spot. His heart that had stopped abruptly with Crowley's forced words and retreat, had begun to restart and with heady determination. "We..." He began as words soon found him again. "...we were mates? He...He begged GOD to make me forget? I...but...why?"

"I believe I can help you answer that." A woman's familiar voice sounded next to him.

Slowly and fearfully, he turned his head to look at the source of the voice and found none other than God Herself. "A-A-Almighty! I...What a pleasant surprise."

"Don't lie to me, Aziraphale." She smiled. "I know you're terrified to see me here. I know you're wondering if I know that you and Crowley swapped bodies and I came here to-"

Without a second thought, Aziraphale summoned a Principality miracled blade, which didn't so much as look like a blade as it did a spear of light with a hilt and grip. "-DO. NOT. TOUCH. HIM!"

"Aziraphale." She spoke softly as she held a hand up to the spear. "Calm yourself. I would never hurt him."

The ringing and raging grace in his veins dulled to a low hum as he put away his blade, but he was still protective, and the strangest part was, he didn't know why. He would go to Hell and back for Crowley, and HAS, but to DEMAND GOD not to touch someone, it was ludicrous and practically asking to fall. "Why are you here? Where were you during the Apocalypse? Why have you let the other angels become cruel and uncaring!?"

"All of your questions will be answered in good time. Even the ones you AREN'T asking me. We're here about Crowley and him begging me to make you forget. He may not like it, but I can't stand by and watch as he cries for fear of messing everything up with you. Not only that, but his heart and grace cry out for a past he knows you don't remember. He had come to terms with it quickly, but...things happened. Six thousand years of things. Six thousand years of regret and...just...pain."

"I...I would've known if he was in pain!"

"He's been in pain since he fell, Aziraphale." God stated sadly. "I know this well, because every day since his fall, he's cried out to me for one thing or another. We're..." She seemed at a loss for words, which frightened Aziraphale, because she was supposed to be omnipotent. "...he created with me. He was the only angel that I allowed to create by my side. It...made a lot of other angels furious. Lucifer being one of the main ones, but...he created by my side and he was my first angel. I...didn't make him like the others. I...made myself pregnant, BECAUSE I wanted one angel to create by my side, and I needed them to be born of me. To naturally have what I have. To know what I know. I can easily give knowledge and tell other angels what to do, but...it's almost artificial. They didn't STRIVE for that knowledge. They didn't seek it out or even want it. They just...had it. It was easier that way, and I knew it would be. So, to make sure there was someone who was exceedingly like me, I gave birth to him."

"Y-You...H-He...and I...but...he never said..."

"He never flaunted it, nor told anyone about it. He wanted it that way, but for you to understand the past that you shared...and the past that you only somewhat shared with him...that information is vital. He was NEVER like other angels, and therefore, was never like other demons. When I show you his memories, we will be watching it as if it were a film or a show. We will be observers. We will hear his thoughts, and any memories that involve you that you've forgotten, you will slowly remember."

"I...but...it feels like invading Crowley's privacy." Aziraphale took a few steps back as his heart stuttered at her explanation. "A-And..."

"And...you won't discover anything about Crowley this way. You'll never know WHY he begged me to make you forget. Making you forget...was a mercy for both of you, but I believe now is the time for you to know. Now that Heaven and Hell won't be after you, and you have my assurance that Heaven will not bother the two of you. Come, Aziraphale. It's time you knew more about the demon you've known for six thousand years." She held her hand out and Aziraphale took it before his heart and grace could tell him otherwise.


	2. Creative

When he took her hand, everything around them vanished in an instant. "You can move around and solid objects that have no consequence of moving, you can prop yourself against or stand on, but he will not see or hear you."

"Like a Christmas Carol?"

She chuckled warmly as she nodded. "Yes. Exactly so. Some things you will be able to face through so be careful or you'll slip. Now, I'm going to start the memories with the first thing he ever created. Then, we will go from there. Look! There he is!"

_A small fledgling was walking around in the pitch black area with emerald green robes, pale skin, black hair, and from where he was, Aziraphale couldn't see his eyes, but he noticed that he had black hair and no wings. He also seemed to be well out of the toddler age for fledglings, but no where near teenager. "Mother?" He called out curiously as he walked about._

_"I'm up here, Raphael." God stated as seemed to be sitting on something that wasn't there, but sitting just the same. "What is it?"_

_"Can you come down here? I want to play!" He whined out as he twirled around impatiently._

_"And I want to sit, but I would so love to hold you in my lap." She smirked._

_Raphael snorted lightly. "How can I get up there when I can't fly like you?"_

_"Find a way. Imagine. You have one of the most precious and important things in all of creation. An imagination. Use it."_

_"Hmm...are you sure it will work?" He asked as he smiled with his arms crossed, his long and messy black hair getting caught between his arms._

_"Are you? Find a way to come to me, Raphael. I will hold you and brush your hair."_

Raphael started to jump up and down in excitement, which made Aziraphale let out an 'awe' sound as he held his hands to his chest. "My, he was so darling, wasn't he?"

"Yes, he really was, and still is." God smiled remorsefully.

_"Hmm...how to get up there...hmm...OH! I know!" He got down on his hands and knees and arched his back upward. As he did so, light began to glow on his back in six different places, and in that light, wings began to grow to the appropriate size for him. He then stood up with a victorious laugh, but seemed to realize the new weight needed some getting used to, because he caught himself before he fell over. "I...I did it! I made...oh...they need a name...things need names..."_

_"Do they now?" God said with honest intrigue._

_"Yeah! I have a name, you have a name, and I think everything...and anyone else...should have a name. Names are important. It gives something meaning almost...AH! Wings! I'll call them wings! Mother, if you make more beings like me, you should give them wings! They're pretty! Oh, and they need to be groomed and taken care of!"_

_"By who?"_

_"By other beings they trust above all else aside from you, of course. These will be sensitive and...very important in the future, but...I don't know why yet. I'll leave that up to you."_

_"Thank you, Raphael. Now, how do you plan on getting up...here..." She trailed off with awe in her voice as Raphael flapped his wings and shot into the air that didn't exist. He then kept himself balanced in the air with few but heavy flaps. "My...that is impressive. They look beautiful on you, but...why black and white?" She asked as she noticed that each feather would start out white at the top and then slowly fade into black at the bottom._

_"For balance! There should be balance in all things!"_

_"The only things that have been made so far are clothes, wings, and I was pregnant with you, so...tell me what you mean by all things? What do you see in that mind of yours?"_

_"Oh!" He said in delight as she miracled a floating space for him that he apparently knew to be a chair, because he sat down at the perfect height for her to brush his hair. "Many things, Mother! There will be words, phrases, ideas, plans, emotions, chemicals, personalities, places, light, dark, black, white, other colors, and there will be living life that grows by light and...WATER...there will be water! Oh! I love water! I've had the idea in mind for some time, but...yes...there will be living life that will live off of light and water alone. There will be many types. Some that you can eat if you so choose, some that can do damage, and some that can heal."_

_"Why make one that can do damage?" She asked as she began to brush his hair with a content and understanding smile._

_"Like I said...for balance. Everything should have an opposite. If everything's the same...it's no fun. If everything is to be what's expected or to be part of the same idea...there's no point in the idea. An idea would come from wanting to make something different from what's already there. An idea can't exist without an opposite of something or anything. So, I think everything should have an opposite. Even Good. It should have an opposite, too. I'll...call...it...BAD! Or...Evil! That way, they are both four letter words!"_

_"My goodness, I haven't even invented letters yet. You're getting quite ahead, Raphael."_

_"I love knowing things, Mother. I want to know much more! I want to learn! I want others to learn as well. I don't...I don't want people to not know. Oh...and love! If you make others like me...they should know what love is! Love is another good four letter word!"_

_"I hadn't thought about that word to be quite honest with you. I haven't even...thought what it could mean. Teach me something, my little angel...say...that's what I'll call the others like you. I'll call them angels. So, my little angel, teach me something. What is love?"_

_"That one's easy!" Raphael chuckled warmly. "There will be different types of love, but it's an emotion you feel inside yourself. It is a very fragile thing."_

_"How can an emotion be fragile?" God asked with a furrowed brow._

_"Because, it can break, hurt, and if there's too much or too little...then bad or hurtful things might happen...emotionally anyway. Hearts, souls, and...grace. You should save souls for a very important creation. Not the angels. Their grace will be LIKE souls, but they'll be SO MUCH MORE. Grace needs to be more powerful than a soul, but...love...will be important to a heart, grace, or even a soul."_

_"So...a soul...is fragile?"_

_"It should be. That way, whoever is trusted with it, will know that they need to take care of it and make sure it's always happy, calm, relaxed, or content. A soul should be in a being and it should house a life of its own, which will hold personality, and it needs to be unseen by the beings who own souls. Ah...I almost forgot. Love. Yes, it will be fragile, but super powerful. There will be the love I have for you. You're my mother and I love you very much. There will be a love you have for me, which will be different, but not entirely unalike the love I have for you. You're my mother, I'm your son, so in a way, they have a hidden opposite...almost. There will also be love of...friends. It's a happy love that can hold mirth, mischief, and companionship. There will also be...romantic love. This one is very special, because it's when you're trusting someone with your heart, grace, or soul and saying, 'Here, look at this. You're special inside it. I have a very special love just for you and I want to make you happier than anyone else. Please take care of it. It's yours now. I'm trusting you with it.' There are others that I can't think of right now, but...yeah. That's what I have so far. Oh! And the angels should love all things in general."_

_"Why is that?"_

_"Because, love is important and if you make anything, it's important, so they should love it. It won't be a fragile love, but sort of an...admiration. It won't hold affection like the others, but just...they'll look at it and possibly think, 'Oh, Mother created that! How wonderful!' Say, Mother?"_

_"Yes, Raphael?" She asked as she continued brushing his now overly straight hair._

_"Will the others be like me? You...explained it to me. Birth. Will you do that for the others?"_

_"No. I will not. I may save birth for something else, but as far as me...no."_

_"Ah...then...they won't call you Mother, will they?"_

_"Likely not. I'll have them call me God, Almighty, or Lord."_

_"I like Lord. It's a four letter word. I like the number three most, but I like four letter words. I'll call you that, too, then. I'll call you that after they're made, but when it's just you and me, I'll call you Mother, because you're mine."_

_"I think that's a fine idea. We'll create more things whenever you're ready. I'll put wings on the angels, don't you worry, but I'll create them in my own time. Now, when you're ready, we can create a place for the angels to be. This place is good enough for you and me, but there needs to be a place for them to walk knowingly. Not wander and hope they'll find what they're looking for. Does that sound fair, Raphael?"_

_"Yes, Mother." He nodded happily once he apparently felt the brush leaving his_ _hair._

The vision slowly faded until it was no more, leaving Aziraphale alone with God once more. "He...He came up with..." Aziraphale stuttered out as words, breath, and a proper heartbeat failed him.

"Yes, he came up with many things that everyone gave me credit for. When I said we created together, I wasn't joking. There's so much you don't know. There's so much that NO ONE knows, but you'll be the only other person aside from Crowley and myself to know those things."

"I don't understand...you loved him so much...and you talk as if you still do, but...then why did he fall? What did he do that was so wrong?"

"That...requires you to see it. There's a reason he begged for you not to remember."

"To...not remember knowing him or...his fall?"

"Aziraphale..."

"No! I...I need to know now so I can at least...somewhat prepare myself for something I hadn't known for six thousand years! Please...tell me." He knew that it was ridiculous to tell God no, but something was taken from him. Something precious and he needed to know why."

"Please, understand...you need to see it. It would be worth far more to see it. You will no, but for something as important as this...I actually need you to be unprepared. I can't merely tell you, because even for me...there aren't words."

Aziraphale's eyes widened as he noticed a singular tear trail down her cheek. "D-Did I do something wrong? Can you at least tell me that?"

"No, I can't, because what I deem right or wrong is different from how an individual judges their own actions to be right or wrong."

"Then...in your eyes...did I do something wrong?" He asked as his whole body trembled.

"I am sorry, Aziraphale, but I can't. This...in a way...is a test for you, and I can't give you all the answers. I can provide some, but...there are some that I can't say."

"Can't or won't." He challenged as a hint of fury made its way to his vocal chords.

"Both. Now, will you accompany me to the next memory, or are you ending it here."

"I'll go, because I need to know, and...I assume that you won't be showing me his entire childhood."

"Goodness no! That would take far too long, and though this is an infinite place unbound by time, there are still far more important things to show you. I'll start with the day the two of you really met. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I suppose." He sighed with a hint of sorrow and fear at what he would see. At what he had never known, but once enjoyed at some point.


	3. Falling to Fly

_The memory started with Raphael entering a room of seemingly newly made angels. "Welcome to Heaven, everyone. My name is Raphael. None of you have names yet, because you've not chosen them. Names are important things. They are what you are called and will forever be called by God. She will call you this and it will be your own. You do not have to pick today, but if you do not pick, I will either come to you or point at you to get your attention. I will be your mentor, teacher, coach, tutor, and instructor. When you are finished training, you will graduate, and then we may become friends. Until then, you are to do as I say, when I say, and how I say. If I feel there needs to be a different approach for a specific being in here, then I will take care of that personally. Also, I will not tolerate negativity. If I sense, see, or hear any negativity coming from anyone, that being is to spar with me, and I promise you that you will regret not heeding my warning. Am I clear?"_

_"YES, RAPHAEL!"_

_"Good. The first thing we'll start with is flying."_

Aziraphale tapped God on the shoulder with a confused expression. "That was really Crowley? Erm...Raphael? He seems so...strict."

"He had to be at first with every new batch or group of angels. However, he never wavered in his promise that they would regret the negativity." She chuckled warmly at the thought.

_Aziraphale, who had yet to be named, raised his hand. "Pardon me, Raphael, but I have a question."_

_"Wonderful. I adore questions. That means there's a desire to learn."_

_"I was wondering if...if any of us will get injured in training."_

_"Oh, most definitely, but that's just because you're learning and are bound to make mistakes, but that's okay. Have you picked your name yet?"_

_"No." He sighed as he shook his head._

_"Very well. Will everyone who has picked their names please stand up?" Four angels stood up proudly. "Very well, what are your names?"_

_"I choose to be called Gabriel." The angel with lavender wings and violet eyes stated._

_"I choose to be called Sandalphon." The angel with bronze colored wings decided._

_"I wish to be called Uriel." The angel with chocolate colored skin shyly spoke._

_"My name is Michael." The angel with grace blue eyes and dirty blonde hair voiced proudly._

_"Those are fine names, Gabriel, Sandalphon, Uriel, and Michael. You will practice flapping your wings and stretching them before we begin the actual flying._

_The memory blinked and it showed Raphael in his classroom where he took out a staff from thin air and hit the but of it on the floor of the room, instantly changing it to a massive expanse of gardens, rivers, and cliffs like the one they were on._ _"A-Are we meant to...jump?" Gabriel asked tentatively._

_"Not jump, Gabriel." Raphael clarified. "Fall. You're going to fall off this cliff, and at some point you will fly."_

_"That's...but...what if we hit the ground!?"_

_"Then you hit the ground." Raphael shrugged. "I will inspect your injuries and if I deem them in need of healing, I will heal them. I am not here to coddle you. I am here to train you. If you need coddling, request God to send you somewhere else, and I'm sure she'll find a suitable place for you. However, if your afraid of the fall downwards, you are allowed to admit it. I will give you one chance to admit it. If you come up to the cliff's edge and you don't fall when I tell you to, then I will push you. Now, that being said, anyone who is genuinely afraid to fall, please take five steps back." Everyone except for Aziraphale had stepped back. "Ah...the nameless angel with all of the questions. Have you picked your name yet?"_

_"No, I haven't. You said names were important, so I want mine to mean something important."_

_"That's good. If you don't mind, I would like to speak with you after class."_

_"I...haven't done anything wrong, have I?"_

_Raphael chuckled warmly as he shook his head. "No, you haven't. Now, come to the edge of the cliff, please."_

_Aziraphale nodded and stepped forward. "Down there, yes?"_

_"Exactly! Now, when I say...you'll- ANGEL!" Raphael shouted as Aziraphale fell without a second thought._

_If time had started yet, it would've been a total of three minutes since he had fallen. At that point, Gabriel bellowed out laughing. "The idiot thought too highly of himself!"_

_"GABRIEL!" Raphael growled. "You and I will spar tomorrow. I will not give you time to prepare. I will show up when I wish! I expressly said that I will not tolerate negativity, and that includes ridiculing another angel. Am I clear!"_

_"Y-Yes, Raphael."_

_"WAHOO!" Everyone heard from beneath the cliff, but before anyone could ask about it, Aziraphale shot up with his wings tucked in tight. He then let them spread for a moment before diving back down as he tucked them in. When he let them spread again, he glided right, left, and then he flapped his wings as he made his way back up to the cliff to stand next to Raphael. "That was...WOW! That was incredible! That was so much fun!"_

_Raphael's furious expression from earlier nearly melted in an instant to something soft and proud. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Go on, you can keep flying until the last angel has flown."_

_"Thank you, Raphael!" He laughed giddily before falling again and taking off with spins, dives, lifts, and glides._

_"Anyone else care to try?" Raphael grinned and at that moment, nearly every angel scrambled to fall off the cliff's edge._

_Once everyone was flying, Raphael decided to allow them to fly, so he sat down on the cliff's edge with his legs hanging off. "Who was the first to fly?" He heard God's voice next to him as she sat down with him.  
_

_"The nameless angel. I called him 'Angel' when he fell, but it...well...I want to call him that more, but it doesn't quite suit him. He said he wanted to make his name important. To mean something. I was going to have him meet with me after class so we could talk with you about his name."_

_"I know that tone, Raphael. You already picked his name, didn't you?"_

_"Yes, and in our language it would mean 'Of Raphael'. He's curious like me, he's brave like me, but I could sense he was also terrified to fall. He's eager in his studies, he asks questions, and I'm willing to bet he has more in him than either of us could imagine."_

_"So...you want him to have your name, essentially?" She smirked with a knowing look in her eyes. "My, my, my. I do believe you've actually picked a favorite."_

_"Hmm..." He chuckled low as he watched Aziraphale lift and dive over and over again. "...yeah...I might have just broken my own personal rule with that. Did you make him for me?"_

_"I did not, but I can tell you're hopelessly in love."_

_"That I am." He sighed. "I thought...perhaps...it would take longer."_

_"Love has no time limit. Love is ineffable. You've given types, but when it happens or how it feels is ineffable."_

_"So I've noticed. He's just so...well...he's different from all of the others. Terrified and brave, intelligent and eager to learn more, quiet and loud, and he's not like the others in his build. He's soft where I'm just all angles and bones. I just...I want to know him more, but they're no where near done with training. I still need to teach them healing, elements, and miracles."_

_"Not to mention combat." She stated sadly._

_"Yes, I know."_

_"Are you sure there's no other way?" She asked Raphael._

_"Mother, you told me of all the possibilities you foresaw in your plans. You told me of the every consequence and asked me to help you, because in every single one of the possibilities, angels died. Nearly all of them. Giving a place for those who instigate the fight...will create a balance."_

_"That means...they'll need to be something else."_

_"Yes, that's true. Remember when we talked about the humans?"_

_"Yes, I'm still working out the kinks on that."_

_"So I've noticed. Really, Mother. Two hearts is too much."_

_"Oh, don't worry, I already made a plan to put that somewhere else."_

_"I'm eager to hear about it, but...anyway...I think...the fallen angels and the remaining angels will be the core balance the humans will need. We'll discuss it more later, but...if you don't want most of your angels to perish...Hell needs to be created. I don't like it any more than you do, but it's our only option."_

_"You carry a heavy burden, Raphael. I appreciate it, and I can't imagine how it must feel on your shoulders."_

_"No heavier or lighter than the burden you carry. Everyone will blame you for the creation of Hell. No one will ever know it was me."_

_"Do not pity me, Raphael. You and I will both know the truth."_

_"Yes, I know. Now, on a happier note...his name...do you approve?"_

_"Yes, but I'll make it to where it doesn't sound so obvious. How about...Aziraphale."_

_Raphael looked out to Aziraphale and sighed with love-struck eyes. "Aziraphale. Yes...that's the perfect name." He turned to God as he tried to shake the expression off, but it only served to make her giggle. "Can we still meet you after I dismiss class?"_

_"Yes. That way he can have a God-given name, much like yourself. I will involved both of you in an ineffable part of my plans."_

_"Oh? Which part?"_

_"Not telling." She said in a singsong voice before getting up to leave. "I'll see you soon, Raphael."_

_The memory blinked and it showed Aziraphale and Raphael walking into God's library. "Ah! Raphael, what a pleasant surprise." She smiled._

_"Thank you, Lord. However, I'm not here to read today. I'm here, because this angel has yet to pick a name. He is the only remaining angel to have no name, and I was wondering if you would give him a name just as you gave me a name."_

_"I'd be glad to." She smiled as she walked towards them._

_Aziraphale was visibly nervous and his wings were practically shaking. "Are you afraid, Aziraphale?"_

_"No, Lord." He stated with a steady and confident tone despite his body language._

_"Hmm..." She hummed patiently._

_Both God and Raphael waited for him to realize his name. Five seconds later he gasped with widened eyes and a large smile. "My name!? My name is Aziraphale!?"_

_"Yes." She laughed lightly._

_"I...I love my name! Thank you, Lord! Thank you so much!"_

_"You are very welcome. I'm glad you love your name. It will be with you for eternity. Study well, Aziraphale."_

_Aziraphale looked over to Raphael and smiled. "I will, Lord. Thank you."_

The memory faded back into the black nothing they were in originally, and Aziraphale was at a loss for words. "He...He loved me? So soon? I...well...I say that, but...and...he...you...HE created Hell? HE knows about both the Great and Ineffable plan?"

"He does, but because of Michael, Gabriel, Sandalphon, and Uriel, I had to make some adjustments. Neither of us liked those adjustments, and it caused quite the fight between us."

"Wait...you spoke with him AFTER he fell?"

"Of course I did. I needed to know how Hell was doing."

"Wait...so...you really do know...about the...um..."

"Body swap." God said as she knew where Aziraphale was going with his muttering. "Yes. There's a reason why there wasn't mention of water in Agnes' prophecy. It only mentioned fire. As my son, Crowley can't and won't ever be destroyed by Holy Water. The most it will do is sting a bit. Kind of like being on a beach in bare feet, but that's because I had to force his grace to be read as demonic so that he would blend in."

"The...consecrated ground in 1941..." Aziraphale whispered in awed understanding as he remembered exactly what Crowley had said the ground felt like.

"A normal demon would've immediately burned into flames."

"B-But...he's your son! What about the Hellfire he stood in for me!?"

"Hard to be destroyed by something you yourself created. He created Hellfire as well."

"There's just...so much I didn't...and STILL don't know. I...I feel like I never really knew him after all."

"You did. He never stopped being himself after his fall. He was just limited. I despised the limit I had to place on him, but...because of certain events during the rebellion. Events that Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon, Lucifer, and Gabriel caused...I was left with no other choice if I wanted him to still live."

"WHAT!?"

"You'll see." She sighed sadly. "The next memory will be of the two of you agreeing to be mates."


	4. Be Mine

_Raphael was laughing with Lucifer about something when he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Hold on." He chuckled out before turning to the angel. "Oh! Hello, Aziraphale."_

_"So..." Lucifer began with a slightly jealous tone. "...this is Aziraphale?"_

_"Yes." Raphael nodded with a smile._

_"Erm...Raphael...that is...if you're not to busy, I...I wanted to talk with you about something."_

_"Sure, I don't mind." He told Aziraphale before looking at Lucifer and bidding him farewell. He then walked with Aziraphale until they stopped at a door. "This is my room. Only God and I go in here, and God's a bit busy in her library, so we won't be interrupted." He opened the door and both of them walked in to an infinite garden, but instead of being illuminated by yellow or white light, it was illuminated with dark blue hues of light that came from above where there were an ineffable amount of small glowing lights that shone brightly and with purpose._

_"Wh-What are those up there?" Aziraphale asked in awe at the lights._

_"I'm going to call them stars. They're um...well...eh...you wanted to speak with me about something?" He asked as he closed the door._

_Aziraphale's cheeks flushed instantly as he looked down and nodded his head while fidgeting with his hands. "I-I did, I just um...I guess...I'm nervous? Goodness, I...I had practiced saying it as well, but I...oh...it may be highly inappropriate of me. I mean...I'm only a Principality and...well..."_

_"You're also a Cherub, Aziraphale."_

_Aziraphale rolled his eyes with a huff of annoyance. "Not that anyone from my class cares to remember that. I just...well..."_

_"Take your time, Aziraphale. It's okay. I won't judge you." Raphael explained calmly as he conjured chairs for the both of them to sit in._

_Aziraphale sat down in his and nodded his head in thanks. "Right...well...it's not...judgment I'm afraid of, but rather...rejection...I suppose."_

_"How about you start from the beginning, and possibly that will help you get to where you want to say."_

_"Thank you." He sighed in relief. "Okay, so...I...I was nervous...when I opened my eyes, and I...was always a bit different. That was evident when my wings unfurled and they didn't have a tint of color. They were just...pure white. The others would stare at me on our way to your class, and I just felt...so...out of place, but then...when I raised my hand in your class, you didn't look at me like the others did. Then, wh-when I fell...I'll be honest...I was terrified to fall, but just...I...what lifted me up into the air wasn't my wings exactly, but...my feelings...for...you. I just...I thought of you, and...the things that seemed to make my grace thrum faster and faster. I...I thought about your eyes, your voice, your kindness, and even how strict you were when teaching us. Wh-When I needed healing from combat training, you were so calm, gentle, and caring. I...I thought maybe...at first...it was just...an incredible admiration, but as I thought about it...after graduation...and...well...I do think I rather...well...that is to say. I'm um...in love with you." At his last four words he flinched inward and looked to the ground with an embarrassed and flushed expression. "I..." He continued. "...W-Well...you don't have to agree, of course, but...I was wondering...if you would um...gr-groom my wings."_

_"Aziraphale..." Raphael breathed out as his heart and grace pounded fiercely. "...t-to groom one's wings...I mean...others have mates, but...not all of them groom each other's wings. That's...that's the most intimate form of a mate. It will create an unbreakable bond."_

_"I-I know. I...I don't want it to break. I want...I want to be yours. I-If you'll have me."_

_'He...He really...' Raphael thought as he swallowed a lump in his throat. He smiled as he lifted a shaky hand underneath Aziraphale's chin to tilt the Principality's head so that he could look at him. He then leaned forward and captured his lips with his own, which caused them both to immediately moan in pleasure from the contact. They both glowed their signature colors of emerald green and pure white, and as they embraced closer in the kiss, deepening it desperately, the colors swirled and became one around them. When they separated, both of them collapsed as they panted happily. "I...I'll groom your wings if you'll groom mine."_

_"D-Does that mean you...?" Aziraphale stuttered out in between gasps._

_"I'm in love with you, too. I broke my own rule. I picked favorites in my class, and I'm hopelessly in love with you. I just...if you...if you could give me a moment. That kiss...well..."_

_"Y-Yes...what was that kiss?"_

_"N-Not all angels do it, but...I...when a kiss like the one we had is shared between two angels, it binds their souls with a hidden promise."_

_"Wh-What's the promise?"_

_"Whatever we want it to be. I, for one, promise to love you no matter what. I'll be your sword and shield, your healer, your protector, your confidant, and your love. I promise...that you are the only one I will ever love throughout eternity."_

_"I...I promise all of the same things as well! I...oh...oh my...I...c-can we do that again? That...kiss?"_

_"Hmm..." Raphael chuckled lovingly. "...that particular kiss...perhaps not, but I would be more than happy to kiss you more and more." He moved towards him to where they were touching each other's knees on the ground. He then lifted himself up slightly, took hold of Aziraphale's shoulders and gently guided his body to lay on the grass. He ran a hand gently over Aziraphale's arm as he laid next to him. "I'll kiss you everywhere if you want."_

_Aziraphale moaned as he nodded his head. "Yes, I...I would like that very much, and though...we were already given knowledge on erm...how to make other fledglings...younger, fragile, and smaller fledglings...but I...I don't want to do that just yet, but...I...I know that we can still the action of it...and not get pregnant...if we choose."_

_"You...you want to make love to me?" Raphael whispered out in pure astonished disbelief._

_"Yes, very much so." He nodded frantically. "That is...if you want to, of course. I...I would never do anything you didn't want to do."_

_There was a feeling in the air around them that basically said that Aziraphale had made a male presenting effort. Raphael didn't need to, because he was born that way, but if he so wished, he could switch. "You've made the effort for it." Raphael blinked at him in surprise._

_"I-I-I-I'm sorry, I...I couldn't help it. I just...it just happened."_

_"Oh...Aziraphale. My Aziraphale. I will make love to you and afterwards, I will groom your wings slowly and tenderly, then I will make love to you again to the point your wings will need to be groomed once again." Raphael leaned forward and slowly began to take Aziraphale's robe off while kissing him._

The memory faded with both moans disappearing into the distance. "I hope you don't mind, but despite being an omnipotent being, I'd rather not watch my son have sex."

"I-I don't mind, I just...we...we became mates. We...I confessed to him that I...but...that means...for six thousand years...I've...I've rejected him and denied knowing him. He...He's dealt with that for six thousand years. He's known. He's known what we were, what we had, what we shared, and he...he never said anything. He never even...well...if he hinted at it, I may have been clueless, but I...h-how could he stand to be around me after all of the horrible things I've said to him!?"

"That's a question you'll have to ask Crowley, but the simpler answer I can give you is that when he said he'll love you no matter what, he meant it to the fullest extent of the promise."

"I-I understand that, but...God...y-you know all of the things I've said to him."

"Yes, I do, and I know he's forgiven you constantly and without hesitation. Even when he was hurting, he would never fault you. A fact that even I have trouble understanding, but then again, I'm not the one that loved you."

"L-Loved? Past tense?" Aziraphale asked as he felt something drop heavily in his stomach while his whole body instantly felt as cold as ice.

"It's not up to me to admit that or not. You'll have to either determine that for yourself through the memories, or confess your own love for him that I know you feel. Now, don't misunderstand, that is not an order or a command. If you want to tell him, then do so, and if you don't, then don't. Simple as that."

"I-I'm afraid it's never simple with Crowley. All of this...I...I remember that. I felt like I would practically discorporate from the sheer embarrassment I felt from confessing. I um...also remember making love to him and being made love to. I...I thank you for that memory, b-but...I...six thousand years!" He cried out the last three words. "Not only that, but what could I have done that would make him beg for me to forget?"

"That...will be the next memory. It will um...you won't like it, and you will likely beg for me to move on to the next memory, but you need to watch, hear, and witness it all. You need to."

"I-I'm sc-scared, Lord."

"You really should be, because this memory...it involves you hurting him. This memory will also include his fall and his first few moments in Hell."


	5. Painted Gold

_When Raphael walked up to God with a worried expression, God asked, "What is it, Raphael?"_

_"Lucifer...he's gathered his followers. I just...so soon after we created the universe? I had just finished up Alpha Centuri. Aziraphale said it was his favorite, but soon...I don't know. He doesn't side with Lucifer, but for some reason Lucifer has been eyeing him as if he plans to do something to or with him. I'm worried, Mother."_

_"I understand your worried. I am, too, but..."_

_"No, you don't understand. I'm worried Lucifer will attack him or do what he did to Beelza. I'm worried he'll cast that strange spell of his that makes someone a mindless follower. She went after Gabriel without a second thought! They're mated, Mother! What if..."_

_"Then you will find a way to prevail. I believe in you. I believe in both of you. If that's to happen, you must make Aziraphale come to his senses somehow."_

_He nodded his head as tears began to fall. "I'm scared, Mother. I don't want to lose him. I love him so much."_

_"I know, my little raven. However, we both know Lucifer. If he IS to take control of Aziraphale, he'll do it when you least expect it."_

_"I know. I...I need to go find him."_

_"Go to him, and love him as much as you are able. Perhaps...that will subdue the control he'll have. Gabriel and Beelza didn't have as strong of a bond as the two of you, so she couldn't come out of it, and likely won't for some time, or at least...before it's too late. Have faith in your bond. That bond...is the strongest I've seen in all of Heaven. Now, go. I must prepare the other angels for what's to come."_

_"Yes, Mother." Raphael left and he walked and walked until he reached his own room. Once he closed the door behind him, he saw Aziraphale standing next to the bathing pool, but he didn't appear to be doing anything. "Aziraphale? Are you okay, My Love?" There was no reaction, so he moved forward. He placed a hand on Aziraphale, but he soon turned to dust. With a horrified expression he took a few steps back and was soon knocked on conscious by someone._

_When his eyes opened next, he saw the ground and he found that he was hanging with chains wrapped around his wrists and ankles. He was hanging vertically, so he was able to look around. When he did, he found Aziraphale, and his eyes were black. "Ah, you're awake!" He chuckled darkly._

_"No...Aziraphale!"_

_"Yes, that is my name." He smirked wickedly as he took out a flaming sword. "You know...I was with you. I agreed with you...about Lucifer, but then...he made some rather sound points. I had to come to you. I had to be the one to confess. I'm the one that was being stared at once everyone figured out who I was to you, and...I realized...I had quite the mate. You had offers upon offers for others to be your mate, but you pick the one who was already ridiculed since he opened his eyes. You made the ridicule worse! The things I've heard Gabriel say! Not only that, but Lucifer made some rather intriguing points about God! We've asked questions before. She's loved questions just as you have, but then...all of a sudden...we're not allowed to ask! He then told me that you're the closest with God, and he had once overheard you calling her Mother rather than Lord, God, or Almighty, so..." He tossed the blade in the air so it would flip, he caught it, and grinned manically at him. "...you're going to tell me why that is, and you're going to tell me what you know about Her plans. I mean, it only makes sense that I be the one to do this since I'm closest to you aside from God."_

_"Aziraphale, I don't know what you're planning on doing with that sword, but please! You must listen to me! This isn't you!"_

_"Not me? Well, obviously you forgot all of our sparring sessions. I can ruthless when I wish to be, and oh...I wish. You've been keeping secrets from me! You're own MATE!" He took the sword and slowly cut down the middle of Raphael's chest, causing Raphael to scream in agony. "This will go on until you tell me what else God has planned or until Lucifer is satisfied!"_

_"Until...LUCIFER...is satisfied?" Raphael asked as golden blood streamed down his torso, to his thighs, curving at his calves, and then finally dripping on the grass from his naked form._

_"Oh, yes. Lucifer has decided that while I do this, he will see all of this through my eyes."_

_"That explains the black eyes." Raphael muttered, but was soon cut across the cheek with just the flame alone, which caused a cut to form, but his golden blood boiled and seared the wound immediately._

_"What did you say!?"_

_"Your eyes used to be so beautiful, Aziraphale. I modeled some of my stars and nebulae after your eyes did you know that?" He asked as he panted in pain._

_"Shut up!" He heard Aziraphale growl, but there was also the faint sound of Lucifer's voice as well. "Give me information about God's plans or I will cut you so much and so deep, the other angels will think your permanent skin color is gold!"_

_"Oh, and your skin! So pale and lovely. I remember-" He was interrupted with the hilt of the blade hitting him in the mouth, causing Raphael to cough up golden liquid. "-I remember..." He rasped. "...the first time I held you so intimately." Another hit and more blood. "I..." He coughed and wheezed before he could continue further. "...I remember out first kiss."_

_"That's it!" Aziraphale hissed, but this time Lucifer's voice was harmonized with Aziraphale's while the Principality moved to stand behind Raphael. He harshly grabbed the bottom left of the six wings, and held the blade to it. "Another word of...endearment or...LOVE...and I'll slice your wing clean off. "Tell me what God is planning with the humans!? Why are we to love and respect such weak creatures!?"_

_"What's wrong, Luci? Losing control of Aziraphale there? I can hear you more than I can hear h- AAAAAHHHHH!" Raphael roared in his agony as he felt Aziraphale slice his wing off. As he screamed and cried out, he choked on his blood, which caused him to have to cough it up once more, but the blade was still held to his back, which was another wound added onto another._

_"Tell me about her plans!"_

_"Now, hmm..." He spit out blood onto the grass with a knowing smirk on his face despite his panting and heaving breaths. "...correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm no longer talking to Aziraphale, am I?"_

_"It wasn't this difficult to take over Beelza!" Hissed Lucifer and Aziraphale's combined voices, but this time, Aziraphale's voice was fading in the back._

_"Oh? Do tell. What happened that was different with my mate?"_

_"He's RESISTING ME!"_

_"Well, someone has to." Another wing was cut off and another cry of agony was had._

_"I will not tolerate RESISTANCE! I AM IN CONTROL!"_

_"ARGH! And GOD will not tolerate you rebelling against her! You will pay for thi- AHHHH FUCK!"_

_"Such a crude mouth! Well, I'm in your mates form...well...not really, but I am seeing this through his eyes and feeling what he's feeling. Perhaps you can put that mouth to good use." The restraints were moved to where Raphael's body was manipulated in a way that had his hands and knees on the ground and his mouth directly in front of Aziraphale's groin, but then again, it wasn't really Aziraphale anymore, but a being Raphael thought to call Azi-Luci._

_"Yeah...sorry...not gonna happen and if you try and stick that in my mouth and you're NOT Aziraphale, well...you said you feel everything. How would you feel my teeth biting down extremely hard. I can grow fangs and make it hurt tenfold."_

_"You wouldn't do that to your mate's body!" Azi-Luci sneered._

_"IT'S NOT MY MATE'S BODY AT THE MOMENT NOW IS IT, YOU FILTH!"_

_Azi-Luci growled in angel as they ripped the other two wings off with their claws. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" With every syllable, Azi-Luci continued to rip and tear at Raphael's back even though they had already torn the wings off. When they were done, they stepped back to Raphael's front and gave a horrifying smirk. "Now, you're going to tell me what you know of God's plans, or is it that...you DON'T know."_

_"Oh, I know." Raphael grinned. "However, I also know where you'll end up when God is done with your ignorant, arrogant, and cruel ass!"_

_"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk..." Azi-Luci shook their head. "...such language! Do you kiss Aziraphale with that mouth?"_

_"I do a whole lot more than kissing, but you wouldn't know about that kind of thing would you, Luci? I mean...your mate ran off with Michael. Ooh...that's gotta-" He was punched in the gut as the wind was knocked out of him. "-hurt!" He breathed out._

_"Just so you know, Aziraphale is feeling and witnessing all of the damage he's doing, and do you want to know how I took over him?"_

_"Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me anyway."_

_"I had witnessed..."_

_"...yup, definitely going to tell me-" He was cut at the side of his neck and he hissed in pain. "-anyway!" He spat._

_"Shut up! I had witnessed the two of you get into a fight. As I was walking by, I thought it was some open room sparring match. Those did happen every now and then, after all, but it was more than that! He had found out you had apparently been keeping secrets from him and he didn't know what, so he was trying to confront you about it. He noticed you meeting with God more and more, but you wouldn't tell him why. He wanted to settle in a sparring match, but you wouldn't let him do that either. The WRATH in your mate was practically palpable! He felt betrayed and so full of rage! I offered to help him speak with you. Oh, and he was hesitant at first, but I told him that I knew you long before he did, and he said yes quicker than I could imagine! Oh! It was glorious and the amount of feelings he's cramming up in here, Raph. He's still trying to fight me, the poor thing."_

_"So...he's still in there?"_

_"Oh, yeah. He's been sobbing on the inside and he's been begging for me to stop. That this isn't what he wanted, but you know...I think it kinda is. He was SO mad at you."_

_"Aziraphale..."_

_"Wh-What are you doing."_

_"A secret that no one else knew, but myself and God."_

_"HA! It was that easy for you to give up God's plans! Oh! I should've sliced you sooner!"_

_"Your name..."_

_"What does his name have to do with anything!?"_

_"...was not God given. It was given by me. I didn't want you to be without a name anymore, and I also wanted your name to be something important. Your true name in our language is Azi-Raphael. It means 'Of Raphael'. You and I are very much alike and I adore you. I adored you when you were in my class, and I adore you now. God made your name sound like Aziraphale so that no one would know, but me and her." Raphael fought against the restraints as he stood up on shaking legs while his entire body was an ocean of golden blood. He looked directly into Azi-Luci's eyes and searched for Aziraphale. Once he found him he smiled softly. "I'm hopelessly in love with you and our first kiss was our first promise to each other. I intend to keep that no matter what happens. Now, I believe you can fight him and reject him. Come back to me, my love. My Aziraphale."_

_For a moment, nothing happened, but then Azi-Luci began to cry out in their own agony. He dropped the sword and dug their palms to their eyes. "N-NO!" They roared. "I won't let you! You are mine!" Lucifer's voice hissed.  
_

_"I...am...NOT...YOURS!" Aziraphale's voice was heard clearly. "I NEVER WAS! NOW, LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN TO ME!" There was a blinding white and red light before Aziraphale collapsed to his hands and knees._

_"A-Aziraphale?" Raphael asked with a shaking voice._

_Aziraphale sobbed as he shook his head. "R-Raphael...I beg of you...d-d-don't make me l-l-look up. I...I felt my body harm you! I felt your blood stain my hands! I used my sword against you! Please, I beg of you, offer me this one kindness! I can't look at you! I can't see what I've done! I-It's true that I wanted to hurt you with how mad I was, I admit that and I am ashamed, but...I was going to do it in a sparring match, but...you wouldn't...and I...Raphael, please...f-f-find someone you d-d-deserve!" He lifted a shaky hand and snapped his fingers to make the chains vanish._

_Raphael struggled, but he eventually made it to his sobbing mate and he wrapped his arms around him. "I love you, Aziraphale."_

_"Y-Y-You CAN'T! Not after what I've done!"_

_"Raphael, they're fighting! I'm about to have to- WHAT HAPPENED!?"_

_Aziraphale flinched, before he tore himself from Raphael's hold. "It was me! I did this! We had a fight, and Lucifer used that, but I agreed, because I was blind in my anger, but I did this! I agreed to him! I agreed to Lucifer!"_

_"No...Aziraphale..." God whispered out sadly. "...tell me that's not true."_

_"I-It is! I believed his lies, and I just...I wanted...but now..."_

_"Aziraphale...something the other angels don't know is that any who say yes to Lucifer in any way...they are to fall to Hell with him. They will be stripped of my divine love, my grace, and everything that makes them Holy. They will suffer for eternity. Please, I offer you this one last chance..."_

_"NO!" Raphael rasped. "Take me instead!"_

_"Raphael, that's not an option!" God declared as sorrow laced her voice._

_"It never WASN'T an option! The balance will still be kept, if not more so! Do NOT send him to HELL! I wasn't here fast enough! I wasn't here for him like I promised! I should've trusted my mate or at least come to you and ask about him knowing, but I didn't! Let me Fall, Mother!"_

_"You will BURN, Raphael! They will torture their own for FUN! Don't you understand!?"_

_"I understand. They're like that now anyways, but I will not allow Aziraphale to suffer. I will go with or without him, but either way, I'm going. I would rather you keep him here. He's good. He's strong. Station him at the Eastern Gate of Eden! I will be there! You know I will be!"_

_"Raphael, I..."_

_"If I'm to do what I'm meant to, it would make sense to be a demon, but please, I beg you...make him forget all of this. Make him forget me. Alter his memories to where it makes sense, and he had only ever heard of me. If the angels talk about me and him, make it to where he doesn't hear it, or alter their memories as well if you have to, but PLEASE! I BEG of you, Mother. Make Aziraphale forget me!"_

_"N-NO! I don't want to forget!"_

_"Aziraphale, I won't have you suffering the rest of eternity or trying to make up for something Lucifer did to me!"_

_"B-B-But I love you!"_

_"I know, and I'll always love you. No matter what happens, but...things are going to change, a lot, and I need you to be strong. R-Right now, you're still feeling more guilt than anyone was ever meant to carry. I...I need you to forget me." He turned to God with pleading eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Please, make him forget, and allow me to remember. I will still be there for him."_

_"He will ridicule you!"_

_"I will not!" Aziraphale cried out. "Please! Don't do this!"_

_"Raphael...I grant you your request, and you will fall with the others and..." She lifted her shaking hand with a sob of her own. "...and...and you will...Oh...Raphael, please...reconsider..."_

_"I can't. There's nothing to reconsider. I will contact you as soon as I'm able. This isn't goodbye, Mother. It never will be."_

_She nodded her head as she tried to stifle another sob. "I will grant your request and you will fall with the others. You will become a demon, and you will carry Aziraphale's burden and sins that he will forget unless I, God Almighty, deem fit for him to remember." She waved her hand over Raphael and all of his wounds were healed, but his wings were pitch black instead of black and white. Not only that, but his hair changed from short black hair to long wavy and curly dark scarlet hair. When Aziraphale looked in his eyes, he gasped when he saw they were yellow with narrow pupils. His appearance changed so much he was completely unrecognizable to Aziraphale, but the angel still knew who he was. The last thing Aziraphale noticed was that he also gained a snake tattoo on the side of his face. "You will have the ability to transform into a snake and back to your normal form at will. You will have mere moments to say your goodbyes, make them count. Don't make them selfish. Only one of you will know the other once the fall begins." She vanished, but they could both see the tears that fell from her eyes._

_Aziraphale immediately turned to face Raphael in complete horror. "Wh-Why!? After all I did to you! I let Lucifer get to me!"_

_"And if I can help it, he won't ever do it again. Here...before she takes it from me..." He placed a hand over his core and pulled out a piece of his grace._

_"What are you doing!? That's your grace! How are you even doing that!?"_

_"Hush. Moments. We have moments." The piece of his grace that he had taken out, had slowly turned into a ring within his very palm. He then kissed the ring and it immediately solidified and turned to a brilliant golden color. "Here. I will always know where you are. I will always be able to sense you. If you are discorporated or destroyed, I won't be able to anymore until you are no longer discorporated. This is a piece of me. Take it with you, and you will always have me even if you don't remember." He slipped the ring on Aziraphale's right pinky finger and kissed it with desperation and tenderness. "I love you, Aziraphale. MY Aziraphale."_

_"I love you, too, Raphael! Please! Don't forget that! She said I would ridicule you, but...I don't want to believe it! Please! Remember the love I had for you! Remember me! This me! We...We'll get to know each other all over again, yes? Surely she'd let us."_

_"I hope you're right."_

_**"ANGELS OF HEAVEN! THESE ARE THE ANGELS WHO HAVE FALLEN IN BATTLE DUE TO LUCIFER'S SELFISHNESS!"** She gave a list of those who had fallen in battle. It was a long list, but among them, she listed Raphael. **"THEY HAVE QUESTIONED ME, AND THEY HAVE BEEN CRUEL TO THEIR FELLOW ANGELS! THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE! I HAVE CREATED A PLACE CALLED HELL, WHERE THE REBELS WILL RESIDE. THEY WILL BE CUT OFF FROM MY LIGHT, LOVE, AND MERCY! THEY WILL BE CALLED DEMONS! HOLY WATER WILL DESTROY THEM, BUT ANY OTHER MEANS OF KILLING THEM WILL ONLY DISCORPORATE THEM UNTIL THEY ARE ISSUED A NEW BODY BY SOMEONE IN HELL! HELLFIRE WILL BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME TO THE ANGELS WHO HAVE REMAINED! THOSE WHO HAVE SIDED WITH LUCIFER WILL BE GIVEN DIFFERENT APPEARANCES SO AS TO NOT BE RECOGNIZED BY ANYONE! BEGONE REBELS! YOU ARE WELCOME HERE NO LONGER!"**_ _Without another word, Raphael fell through the floor and away from Aziraphale._

_The memory blinked when Raphael woke up in Hell. "Get up on your feet!" Lucifer said as he lifted Raphael up. "We don't recognize each other. What was your name in Heaven?"_

_'Time to play the part.' Raphael thought. "I will not utter that name! She casted us out like we were nothing! WE WEREN'T IN THE WRONG! SHE WAS! What was wrong with asking questions before, huh!? Oh, and her plans! If she loved us as she claimed why would she keep secrets from us, huh!? No! I will not utter that name I once had in Heaven." He went down on one knee and looked up at Lucifer. "Give me a new name, Lord Lucifer! I will show you what I can do!"_

_"You have pleased me, greatly!" Lucifer knelt down in front of him, and the honest and somewhat soft expression shocked even the new demons around them. He snapped his fingers and smirked gently. "Everyone! Get used to your new forms and being a demon! We're to be this way for eternity it seems! We'll get back at Heaven! Don't you worry!" The other demons cheered and roared. "Lick your wounds and start coming up with ideas to get at them first! Now, you..." He looked at Raphael. "...come with me. I have something I wish to discuss with you, and I made my own chambers to do so. No one will disturb us."_

_Raphael nodded and followed Lucifer until he was led into a large, and oddly beautiful room that held a color scheme of red and black. The door closed behind him, and he heard Lucifer sigh. "You know...I did something horrible before I left Heaven." He said before he sat on the large bed, burying his face in his hands as he propped his elbows on his legs. "Something...I don't think I could ever forgive myself for, but...I think...whatever was deeply wrong in my grace...God fixed it. I...Oh...God...I was so wrong! I...I was blinded by jealousy and anger! I..." He looked up at Raphael with honest tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "...I tortured you, Raphael!"_

_"I-I'm not..."_

_"Don't lie to me." Lucifer allowed the tears to fall. "Of all beings...don't lie to me."_

_As he furrowed his brow, Raphael quickly slipped into his snake form, and his fangs were dripping an emerald green liquid. He bit down on Lucifer's calf quickly before he turned back into his normal form. "I am ineffably stronger than you, so I know that no matter what you could've done to your body or to your grace beforehand...I know my powers will be a thousand times stronger than your own, so I KNOW it will work! I have made my venom into a truth serum, but that bite...that bite alone will be special. When you and I are in this room, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LIE TO ME! If you do, you will suffer unimaginable pain! Now, I DARE you...tell me you feel honest guilt for what you've done!"_

_The tears began to fall faster from Lucifer's eyes as he began to sob into his hands once more. "I'm so sorry, Raphael! I'm so so sorry! I hurt you! I...I was so blind! I was jealous of the humans! I was scared of them! She was going to give up on us! She was going to make a new creation and love them more! I was terrified she wouldn't love us anymore, and I...I overheard you talking with her many times. I heard you call her Mother. I heard you two say words like 'plan', 'humans', and 'Hell' long before I gained my followers! I corrupted Aziraphale! Oh God...I...sh-show me your back, please!"_

_"Why should I!?" Raphael hissed. "You tortured my mate from the inside out and used him to torture me! Why should I show you anything!"_

_"You're right, I don't deserve to see it, but please! A-Allow me to?"_

_Before either of them could say anything else, there was a ball of light hovering in mid air between them. **"Former Archangel Lucifer, I have restored your grace to the gentle, kind, caring, and GOOD personality you once had. I have cured you of your Deadly Sins, but know this, no one in Hell except for Raphael will know that your grace and heart are restored. I do this for two reasons. One, I know you were scared, and I knew that you didn't want to hurt anyone, but it escalated far beyond even your control. Two, you tortured my biological son and his mate, you WILL SUFFER!"**_

_"B-B-Biological!?"_

**_"I gave birth to him, and he is the only angel I have given birth to. Not that anyone knows this, but he is. I tell you this, because if you try anything, Raphael can destroy you with a single wave of his hand. Do not doubt me on this. He is keeping you alive, because it is what our plans require, but he can, at any moment, decide that you are not needed. Make no mistake, Lucifer. He can rule Hell all by himself, if he so wished. YOU are not the real king of Hell. HE is! YOU will work for HIM! Am I understood!?"_ **

_"Y-Y-Yes, Lord!"_

**_"Good! Now, about the others, they must believe that you, Lucifer, are in control, because of what you did to Aziraphale, our plans changed to an ineffable level! Aziraphale said yes to you, and THAT was NOT in the plans! He was going to FALL because he said yes to you, but Raphael took his place and now Aziraphale has no memory of him anymore. However, THAT was requested by Raphael. I do not like being questioned, and I like having to alter my plans even LESS! I have SUFFERED, because of your selfishness, and so has countless others! Now, heed my warning, and what I say about Raphael concerning Hell. You've hurt him. You've ripped him apart piece by piece and YOU are responsible for him being ripped away from his mate! I have planning to do. THIS ALONE is your second chance. You may not realize it, but this will be your ONLY chance, Lucifer. Do not disappoint me!"_ **

_The light vanished and it left Lucifer to stare at Raphael. "You...You're...God's...biological...son?"_

_"I am." Raphael answered as he crossed his arms._

_"I...she said...this is my second chance. What did she mean by that?"_

_"If you fuck it up, you won't have to worry about torture. I will end you instantly!" Raphael growled. "You heard what she said about Holy Water and Hellfire, yes?"_

_"Y-Yes?" He asked with a small voice as he flinched slightly._

_"I'm her son! I'm immune to Holy Water, and as for Hellfire...I invented it. I can twist it to my design and I can make your permanent death slow and painful as the fire licks up your ankles, to your calves, then your thighs. After that, I will make sure the fire lingers on ANY effort you may have made! Then, it will continue to climb until you can't even SCREAM! You caused my mate SO MUCH PAIN! You try and cross me, or go behind my back, you will be BEGGING me for that same pain! That pain will feel like merciful HEALING after I'm done with you! Do I make myself clear, Lucifer!?"_

_"Y-Yes, Raphael!" He nodded his head desperately. "I...but...you...need a new name."_

_"First, you're going to answer a question. How did you know it was me?"_

_"Every single person that I brought to my side has a small spark of my grace inside of them. You didn't. I didn't see it. I saw your light. It's DEEP and well hidden, but I saw it just the same."_

_"Very well. My new name will be Crawley until I desire to change it. I'll be an ordinary demon, so I don't draw too much attention to myself."_

_"O-Okay...I..."_

_"Before you speak. Answer me honestly, because I heard rumors in Heaven, and since you're under a truth serum you can't lie. Were you also jealous of Aziraphale, because he was my mate, and you wanted to be mine?"_

_"N-Nooooo-AHHHHHH-YES! YES!" When he was screaming, lightning appeared and crackled around his form. "Yes." He panted._

_"Thought so." Raphael sighed in disappointment. "Well, now we begin."_

_"Begin what?"_

_"You're the one that asked the demons to come up with a plan. Mine is that I need to get into that Garden on Earth. Don't worry, I already know what I'm going to do, but after I do so, you will write a thing called a commendation. Basically congratulating me on what I've done, and you will give me approximately a month off. That means I won't be watched by the other demons. When I DON'T have a_ _commendation then YOU will receive the report for my GOOD miracles while the rest of Hell receives the reports for my bad ones."_

_"What if the other demons ask about why you're in here so often?"_

_"Fair point." He nodded. "MOTHER!"_

_A flash of light instantly came into the room and it was radiating rage and motherly wrath. **"I WARNED YOU, LUCIFER!"**_

_"Whoa! Mother! Stop! No! He made a good point and I need a favor."_

_The light instantly calmed and if a light could smile, it would be this light. **"Ah, okay then. What's the favor?"**_

_"The other demons can't notice that I'm coming into his room all the time. Can you give him a corporeal and earthly form that he may use to go topside without Hell noticing?"_

_At his request, the light sent out a smaller ball of light that grew to envelop Lucifer from head to toe. **"There. It is done, but I've also created a restriction. If he even so much as a thought of harming ANYONE, he will writhe in unimaginable pain after being immediately sent back to Hell. As for powers, he won't be able to use any at all. In all respects...to humans, demons, and angels alike, he will seem like a human that you're merely conversing with. He will have light brown hair, green eyes, and his build will remain muscular, but he will be two inches shorter. Now, I really must go. There's a lot of repairs that need to be done and angels to console."**_

The light vanished once more and this time with the memory it accompanied. When the memory vanished, Aziraphale staggered back until he fell on his butt. "I...I did that to him. I tortured him! I'm the reason he has only two wings!" The tears fell in bigger and faster globes as he held a hand up to his mouth. "Oh...Oh God...I'm the reason why he FELL!"

"No, Aziraphale, you are not the reason."

"I SAID YES TO LUCIFER! How am I NOT the reason!?"

"You didn't know what was to happen."

"But I wanted him to hurt for keeping secrets from me! How is that not just as bad!? Six thousand years, Lord! SIX THOUSAND YEARS and he's lived with that!"

"And he's never faulted you for it. Your reaction now is why he begged me to make you forget."

"Did...did he suffer in Hell?"

"Aziraphale...I..."

"Did HE!?" God said nothing, but instead nodded her head. "How did he suffer?"

"If any demon aside from Lucifer caught him doing a good deed, they would take him to Lucifer to be personally tortured. They both had to keep up the facade, so both had to suffer the consequences of that."

"W-Will I see him suffer that?"

"No. Not since I told you."

"Did...Did he ever take on another mate?"

God shook her head no with a small smile. "No, he never took on another mate. The denizens of Hell never caught on to them. That's what you were asking wasn't it? If Crowley took Lucifer as his mate?"

"I...I would've understood. I mean...six thousand years without his mate, and...I mean...surely...he became lonely and..."

"No. They never had sex. To this day, you are still the only being he has ever lain with. The only being he has ever kissed."

"I-In six thousand years!?" When God nodded her head, Aziraphale felt sick. Six thousand years and Crowley was completely faithful. Meanwhile he...

"Crowley knew about you and Oscar, and he was happy that you found some happiness in your life, since he couldn't be in it like he wanted."

"How...How did he figure it out!? I thought he was asleep!"

"No, he knew Oscar as well. He told Oscar that the lovely man he was describing was a friend of his. Oscar wanted to know more, so he told him. He asked Oscar to be honest with you and to try to make you happy, because that's all Crowley ever wanted. Oscar had made a pass at Crowley before you, but Crowley politely declined and became his friend instead. He knew he couldn't have you, and he knew that even if he told you his feelings and about what you shared, you either wouldn't believe him, or you would reject him. He decided that allowing someone else to make you happy in the way that Oscar did...well...he decided it was far less painful."

"Was..." Aziraphale laughed in stunned disbelief through his tears. "...was he EVER selfish?"

"Oh, yes, a great deal, but you'll see that. Don't worry. Are you ready for the next memory?"

"After that? I'm not sure, but...I agreed to this. I need to know."

"Right then, on to your second first meeting."


	6. A Second Meeting

_"Demon Crawley!" Beelzebub called out to him._

_"Yes, Lord Beelzebub?" He asked without a hint of fear, which seemed to irritate the shorter demon._

_"Our Lord Satan wants you to go up to Earth and cause some trouble in God's precious humans."_

_'I guess it's time then.' He thought. "Does he now? Well, I'll just go do that." He nodded before turning into a snake and breaking through Hell's barriers until he finally broke through the Earth on the Eastern side of Eden. He looked around until he found Eve. Once he did, he slithered over to her, up a tree, and then leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Eve, do you see that red apple on that tree over there?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Doesn't it look so sweet?"_

_"We're not supposed to eat from it." She stated without looking at the snake._

_"Go on, Eve. It's just an apple. You'll know good and evil just like God."_

_"Just...an apple?"_

_"It will taste sweet, I promise."_

_"It...does look good."_

_"Go on then, Eve. It's just an apple."_

_"Just...an apple." She nodded before walking her naked body over to the apple tree. Once she bit into it, her eyes opened wider than they ever have been and she smiled brilliantly before giving the apple to her mate. 'That ought to do it.' Crawley thought. He slithered away onto the tree of knowledge as Adam and Eve scrambled to make coverings for themselves. Soon, God came into the garden looking for them, and he watched the events of them getting kicked out unfold. Not that the books would mention it, but God sped up Eve's pregnancy almost immediately just like he and God discussed._

_As they were getting kicked out, Crawley saw a pool of water and slithered down into it for a quick soak. When he was done with that, he sensed that Adam and Eve were walking out of the garden and a fair distance out, so he took his chance to slither up the wall to Aziraphale._

_The memory blinked at that moment, and it showed Aziraphale holding his wing over Crawley. "Oh, I do believe I haven't given you my name." Aziraphale said as he continued to hold his wing over Crawley. "My name is Aziraphale."_

_Crawley turned to him and gave a toothy grin. "Hello, Aziraphale."_

_At his word, Aziraphale's eyes widened quickly before narrowing with a furrowed brow. "I understand you were sent here to tempt Adam and Eve, but why are you still here?"_

_"Thought I might have a chat with the guardian that I slipped past."_

_Aziraphale rolled his eyes with a huff. "Yes, well, if I'm to be honest...wh-whenever I looked at the sword, I felt sick to my stomach and tears would fall from eyes with no source of sadness or pain."_

_'His grace remembers! WHY!?' Crawley cried out inwardly. "Well, at least your rid of it then."_

_"A relief to you, I'm sure."_

_"Oh? Why do you say that?"_

_"I could've smote you with that sword."_

_"Aziraphale, you could've done it without the sword. You're a Principality. You can literally conjure a weapon from thin air. Question is, why haven't you yet?"_

_Aziraphale looked up as the storm was getting worse. "I-I-I think we need to take shelter."_

_"There's a cave near the tree of life. I'll take you to it."_

_"Why would I go with you?" He asked with a nervous tone as he looked the demon up and down. "Why do I want to?" He then heard Aziraphale whisper as he turned around to fly downward._

_Once they made it to the cave, Crawley miracled a fire to life in the middle of them, which instantly frightened Aziraphale. "Calm down, Aziraphale. It's normal fire, I promise."_

_"What's the word of a demon!?"_

_"Oh for the love of-!" He grabbed Aziraphale's arm and yanked it into the Hellfire. Aziraphale cried out in pain, but it soon ebbed away after Crawley took his arm out of the fire, and began to heal it. "It's not Hellfire, Aziraphale." He stated plainly. "If it was...the healing would've left a permanent scar that only God herself would be able to get rid of. Tell me, do you see any scaring on your arm?" He asked as he released the arm._

_Aziraphale inspected his arm and blinked in surprise as he noticed there wasn't a single scar. "I...no. There's no scar, but I don't understand...You created fire and could've easily ended me. Why didn't you?"_

_"I'm not like the others, Aziraphale. That's all you really need to know. I won't harm you."_

_"How can I be so sure?" He asked carefully._

_Crawley smirked with a knowing look in his serpentine eyes. "Because, you know very well that I could've discorporated you or ended you at least five times by now, but I didn't, and I think a part of you is curious as to why you haven't done the same to me, because you've had at least six chances."_

_"Fine, you've caught me." He sighed in defeat, but in doing so he soon yelped in pain._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"M-My wings. I...they need to be groomed, but...well...I think I kept it up over you for too long."_

_'Oh please let me!' Crawley desperately whined in his mind. "I...I can groom them if you want."_

_"WHAT!? NO! That's incredibly intim-AHHH!" He shouted as he tried to move. "I-I-Intimate." He panted._

_"You're in pain and I'm offering to help you where you can't do it yourself. If you go up there now, and they ask why your wings hurt when they know the simple job you needed to be tasked with, are you really going to be able to answer that you held it over a demon to guard him from the first thunderstorm on Earth? Do you REALLY think that they will find that as an acceptable answer?"_

_"But...I just...it's...we would be..."_

_"We would be as much as you're willing to be, Aziraphale. Be it adversaries or mates, but your wings need tending to."_

_"It...It will created a bond, though!"_

_"Yeah, but you're left without further options if you want the pain to stop."_

_Aziraphale looked at him for a long moment and furrowed his brow again. "WHY!? Why do I feel like I can...trust you!?"_

_"Honestly? I have no clue." He stated while thinking, 'You're really not supposed to remember me at all, but perhaps it's due to our bond. God did say it was incredibly strong.'_

_"If you..." Aziraphale began with an agitated huff before he gave Crawley a stern expression. "...if you hurt me beyond the normal grooming means, I will end you."_

_"Fair enough, Aziraphale. Fair enough. I'll even let you groom mine. I'll show you that I'll trust you, too."_

_Aziraphale nodded before laid down on his stomach near the fire. "Please...be gentle with me."_

_'Be still my thrumming grace!' Crawley nearly whimpered, but he kept it inside his grace. "Always, Aziraphale." Crawley moved towards Aziraphale and began with the right wing._

_"Why that one? That one hurts less."_

_"Because the other will require more care. Don't worry. When I'm done it will be as if the pain were a distant memory." Once he gently carded his fingers through Aziraphale's wings, both of them felt the bond begin to take hold. 'A...A NEW bond!? Really, Mother!? A new one!? Oh well...I can't complain.' He tried to ignore the moans that Aziraphale let out for two reasons. One, he knew the principality couldn't control it. Two, he wanted to desperately lose control with the principality._

_With each feather he had to pull out, Aziraphale heard Crawley mutter a silent sorry. "Why do you keep apologizing? It's part of grooming."_

_"I don't like seeing you in pain."_

_"You're a very strange demon. Are all demons like you?"_

_"No one is like me, Aziraphale."_

_Aziraphale crossed his arms under his head with a calm smile that he had tried to hide from Crawley, but the demon could see it anyway. "I'm beginning to think so."_

_"Once I'm done pulling out the feathers, I'll rub the muscles in your wings."_

_"Oh..." Aziraphale moaned happily. "...that would be nice."_

_'You don't even know what your noises are doing to me!' Crawley hesitated in his movements slightly, but not in a way that would make Aziraphale notice._

_Eventually, true to his word, he rubbed the muscles in the wing, and then repeated the same process on the next wing, but slower, gentler, and more carefully. He eased the ring into a stretched position so he could rub the aching joints and muscles until they no longer pained the principality. "That's...oh...that's much better. Thank you." Aziraphale sat up and stretched his wings out to their full capacity. "Oh! You were right! It's like the pain was never there!" He lowered them and unwittingly gave Crawley a loving look. "It's your turn, My Dear."_

_"M-M-My Dear?"_

_"Oh..." Aziraphale held a hand to his mouth in shock. "...now...why did that come out? Why...Why did it feel so natural? You...You wouldn't know why, would you?"_

_"I'm as fucking baffled as you are!" He answered in honest astonishment. 'You shouldn't be calling me that! She made you forget! You used to call me that in Heaven! Just how strong WAS our bond!?'_

_"W-Well, I-I'm sorry, I just..."_

_"I never said...it was a bad thing to call me." He said slowly, which for some reason brought a relieved smile to Aziraphale's face._

_"Oh...good. Well...um...if you'd let me gr-groom your wings...I'd...I'd like to very much."_

_"I'd be happy for you to." He said as he slid his robe down to his hips before laying on his stomach._

_"O-Oh my! Your back! I...there's...who did this to you!?"_

_'Dear God, tell me he's not seeing what I think he's seeing!' He swallowed a lump in his throat before he asked, "What do you mean?"_

_"You...well...from the scaring...you were obviously once a Seraphim, but...your missing four wings! How could someone DO such a thing! Demons...not you, but...others...my goodness they can be cruel."_

_"It wasn't a demon that did this to me, Aziraphale. At least...not completely."_

_"Don't...don't tell me it was an ANGEL who did this to you!"_

_"Demons were angels once, too. It happened before the fall. Lucifer...he took someone I was close to, and waited for me and that someone to get into a fight of some sort of for him to use that someone to get to me. It worked, and just like what happened with Beelza...he took control of that someone and used them to torture me for any information I had. They did this with a lot of other angels, but..."_

_"Did...the one you were close to fall? I...I heard that any who said yes of any sort of kind fell to Hell."_

_"No. God walked in on the torture and told the someone I was close to that they were going to fall for saying yes to Lucifer and for their actions. I begged her to take me instead. She accepted and I fell willingly while he stayed in Heaven."_

_"You...didn't agree with Lucifer? You...sacrificed yourself!?"_

_"Yes."_

_"But...why would you do that? You'll never know God's love again! You're a demon! You're...well...you're evil now."_

_"Well, I haven't hurt you yet, have I? I mean...other than the normal grooming hurt."_

_"No...you haven't. Why haven't you?"_

_"You're not going to let this go are you?" Crawley turned and smirked at Aziraphale, and was surprised to see a confused sort of blush._

_"I...I don't think I can." He stated before he shook his head. "All right, it's your turn now. Enough talk about how strange of a demon you are."_

_Crawley chuckled low and fond, though Aziraphale didn't seem to notice. "As you wish, Aziraphale."_

_Aziraphale hesitated as he reached for his wings, but chose not to. Instead, he went to the bottom scars and gently massaged along the scars, which caused a moan to escape from Crawley. "O-Oh, I'm sorry, I just..."_

_"...that...that felt good. Please do that again. I didn't expect you to do that. I mean...I thought you were going to groom my wings, not rub my back. If you don't want to, you don't have to, but- Oh!" He slumped forward once again with a groan as Aziraphale went back to massaging his back._

_The memory blinked and it showed Aziraphale growing tired as a yawn escaped him. "Oh...I don't believe I've ever been tired before."_

_"Angels and demons don't need sleep. It must've been an eventful day for you." Crawley said calmly while thinking, 'That's what grooming does to you.' He placed a gentle hand on Aziraphale's back and gave him a soft smile. "Rest, Aziraphale. You can lay on my lap."_

_Aziraphale looked up at him with a troubled expression. "I...I really shouldn't. Y-You're a demon and I'm an angel. If...If Heaven saw me with you, well...or if Hell saw you with me..."_

_"They have repairs to make, Aziraphale. Trust me. Besides, I was promised commendation for tempting Eve. Hell isn't watching me. If Heaven shows up, I'll leave immediately in my snake form. They're more likely to smite the snake that tempted Adam and Eve, than they are to question a principality taking a nap."_

_Aziraphale practically jumped up and pinned Crowley's back against the wall. "No!"_

_"Aziraphale!?" Crawley asked desperately and visibly worried._

_"I..." Aziraphale looked at his hands and quickly backed away, completely baffled by his action. "...why...why did it...why did I..."_

_"Are you...okay?" Crawley asked carefully._

_"I'm not sure. I...when you mentioned Heaven smiting you, I...I felt like sobbing from pure heartache. I couldn't...it hurt to even hear it and then I thought about it, I couldn't...I couldn't bare it. I...for some reason...I don't think I'd be able to bare it. Why!? What have you done to me!?"_

_'I can't even say I haven't done anything, because I asked for this!' Crawley stood up and walked towards the entrance. "Aziraphale, I can leave, if you want me to. I know you're tired, and I offered my lap, but if you're that terrified, I won't stay."_

_"Don't...go." Aziraphale said slowly, surprising even himself. "I just...I can't see you get hurt. I don't know why and...DID you do something to me?"_

_"Perhaps...it's part of the bond?"_

_"Y-Yes...that...feels like the right answer, and yet...not enough of one. I'll...if you're still offering, I think a nap might do me some good."_

_"Of course, Aziraphale." Crawley nodded his head and sat back down. "Can't promise I'll be comfortable though." When Crawley opened up and offered for Aziraphale to nap in his lap, he thought perhaps the principality would rest his head down on his legs, but apparently that's not what he had planned, because instead of resting his head, he moved Crawley's legs so that he could snuggle completely into Crawley's form. 'O-Oh GOD! It feels right and so wrong! It's not enough, but...I still have him. Even for a moment. Thank you for this.'_

_A white light slowly grew into their space just as Aziraphale fell asleep, and then soon, God appeared. "You're welcome, but even I don't know why he seems to be subconsciously remembering you. Perhaps it is the bond. It's the only explanation for it. It would make my plans go a lot easier, that's for certain."_

_"You can't be here, what if he wakes up?"_

_"He won't wake up until long after I leave. I made sure of it." She sat down next to him and chuckled softly. "So, the two of you groomed each other's wings I see. My, my, my, but you do move fast."_

_"Shut up." He groaned, but he also kept petting Aziraphale's hair. "It doesn't and won't ever mean anything to him."_

_She looked at him with equal parts concern and shock. "You can't honestly believe that."_

_Crawley shrugged with a sigh. "He finds me to be a strange demon, which is true, but I'm not going to get too close to him again. We both already suffered for it the first time."_

_"Crawley...you can't."_

_"Yes, I can, and I will!"_

_"No, I mean...you REALLY can't. Your bond with him won't allow that. Honestly, with how much I wiped his memory, he should've discorporated you. Sword or no."_

_Crawley whipped his head around to look at God with a furrowed brow and a slightly amused look. "Gee, love you, too, Mother!"_

_"Oh...you know what I mean." She huffed in agitation. "The bond is too strong. He's eventually going to fall in love with you all over again."_

_"Then I have to keep a distance."_

_"You won't be able to. It'll affect you as well. You'll fall over with a completely new Aziraphale. That's how strong your bond is."_

_For a few moments Crawley didn't say anything, but then he looked at her sadly. "You're certain?"_

_"Ineffably so."_

_"What do I do?" He croaked out as he held Aziraphale a bit tighter._

_"Keep Lucifer in check, stay on Earth, give humans choices, cause mischief, be a demon, and most importantly...never let go of your love for Aziraphale. Protect him with that. You're the only one who can. Heaven has already shifted in ways I would rather not, but the damage is done."_

_"Okay, I'll...I'll do my best, but...the ridicule...will hurt. I knew that beforehand, but...he won't even understand he's saying those things to his mate."_

_"I know. I've um...also altered all of my angels and demons, but you...were born with this alteration."_

_"What is it?" He raised an inquisitive brow._

_"To try and fix the balance of the number of angels and demons...I made it to where angels and demons could have fledglings."_

_"Fledglings? Really? You're not just gonna make them, but..."_

_"Exactly. It also means that if you have sex at all...again...then you can become pregnant, depending on the form. I say this, because Hell is great evil, and Heaven...well...I'm working on it being Great Good again, but humans? They have limitless potential for either. Be careful, Crawley. I must go now. They're going to begin to wonder where I am."_

_"Farewell, Mother. I love you."_

_"I love you, too, Raphael." She whispered sadly before disappearing._

_Once she was gone, Aziraphale stirred in Crawley's arms and looked up. "You really stayed and didn't do anything nefarious."_

_"Hmm..." Crawley smiled down at him as he continued to play with his hair. "...yeah, holding an angel in my arms while he rests after a perfect wing grooming...doesn't really strike as nefarious in Hell."_

_"Perfect wing grooming? You certainly think highly of yourself?"_

_"Hmm, well, correct me if I'm wrong here, but we both groomed each other's wings, and you felt safe enough to cuddle against my entire form in EDEN for crying out loud."_

_Aziraphale sat up quietly as he looked at Crawley in confusion. "Yes, I did, rather. Why would that be?"_

_"Believe me when I say I'm just as confused as you are, but I'm not exactly complaining. You're kind, and you gave the humans a chance with that sword of yours. It'll keep them warm as well as safe. Now, with that, I have to go. Can't stick around in the garden too long."_

_"R-Right..." Aziraphale nodded slowly with a baffled expression._

The memory faded and Aziraphale's cheeks instantly reddened as he heard God chuckling. "It's not funny."

"It is. Just a little bit. You slept so soundly in his arms. Even if it wasn't even more than a few minutes. You just instantly cuddled the nice warm demon that got Adam and Eve kicked out. You're so sweet, Aziraphale."

Aziraphale rolled his eyes with a huff. "What's the next memory? I don't believe I need to see the ones that I'm there for. Could you show me the ones I wasn't?"

"I plan to." She grinned before starting the next unknown memory.


	7. Light of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof...just...Oof! I'm still crying as I think of what I wrote, so...fair warning, friends!
> 
> Also, sorry it was a short chapter, but I had to, and I have horrible writer's block!

_Crawley was walking through a small village of tents when he was suddenly bumped into by a small crying child. He turned around and looked down at her, and then looked to see who was chasing her. It was two adult humans, and they shouted at him to 'stop that thief', and he immediately knew they were talking about the girl. "Thief? I see no thief here." He said as he picked her up. He then whispered very quietly into her ear, "Do you have a family little one?" She slowly shook her head as she looked at him. "Would you like one?" She nodded her head frantically as she sniffled. "Good, play along." He winked at her with a small smirk. "Now, what seems to be the problem?"_

_"She stole two apples from my cart!" One of them said._

_"And she stole bread from mine! It's in that bag she's carrying."_

_"Ah, I'm terribly sorry, I must've forgotten to give her the money to buy those things. What if I pay you now? What's the price?" The price the gave was ten higher than what Crawley knew to be the price. "Greed is a sin, humans."_

_"What of it! Give us the money for the trouble your daughter caused, or we'll beat it out of you AND her!"_

_Crawley released his wings and raised a singular brow at them. "Sure about that?"_

_"A-A-A-Angel! S-S-Sorry!" They stammered out uselessly. "T-T-Take it! P-Please have mercy!"_

_"Show some to her first!" He growled as he set her down. "Apologize to her for scaring her and chasing her like she was an ordinary criminal! She's a child! She has to learn, but did you teach her or talk to her!? No! You frightened her and angered me!"_

_"W-W-We're sorry little girl."_

_"Leave me alone and be nicer to others!" She shouted before she practically climbed back up into Crawley's arms. "Let's go home, Daddy!"_

_'Oh, Heaven! My heart!' Crawley's thoughts practically shrieked. "What ever you want. It's yours."_

_The memory blinked and it showed the little girl had grown quite a bit. She was a teenager and she was speaking with a boy just outside of a beautiful tent that seemed to have all manner of cures, herbs, and medicines. The very back of the tent was likely the sleeping part of the tent and it was larger than the front. "Senna, who is that you're speaking with?"_

_She flinched and they both blushed. "Um..."_

_Crawley chuckled warmly before he walked towards them. "Young man, do you love my daughter?"_

_"I...well...yes." He nodded. "W-We're...well..."_

_"You've been her friend for a long time. The both of you are seventeen years of age. If the two of you had gotten engaged behind my back, then..."_

_"It's...It's not that, Father. I'm...well...we...he...he asked to marry me, because...I'm...pregnant."_

_Crawley's eyes widened, and the boy seemed to fear for his life. "Is that so? Well...how far along are you?" He asked without taking his eyes off of the terrified young man._

_"I'm...Daddy, please don't hurt-"_

_"-Answer me, Senna."_

_"The...The midwife said I'm nearly two months along."_

_"So, young man, are you going to take care of her, raise the baby with her, and NEVER leave her side?"_

_"Y-Yes! Of course! I love her!"_

_"Well, then you have my blessing, but if I find out about anything else that has happened behind my back, my blessing may not last long. Am I clear?"_

_"Y-Yes!" The young man nodded before frantically kissing Senna, who was happily laughing in between kisses._

_The memory blinked again and it briefly showed Crawley crying tears of joy as he danced with his daughter at their wedding._

_When it blinked again, it showed Crawley holding a jar in his hands as he hunched over himself, sobbing. "Crawley?" God called as she appeared next to him._

_"God, please...let me...let me make her one with my stars? Let her ashes dust the night sky with the radiance that she had throughout her life. She..."_

_"Did you tell her son?"_

_"He...He was murdered just after she had passed away. They burned his body to nothing. I couldn't get there in time. Once I heard about it...I was already too late. Please..."_

_"Okay. Give me the jar, and I'll do as you ask right away. You can even watch."_

_"N-No...I...I have to do it...please!"_

_She nodded her head and placed her hand on his shoulder, immediately taking him to a section of the milky-way galaxy. "Spread them and light them with everything you're feeling and everything you ever felt towards her."_

_He nodded and did as she said, but he had to pause quite a few times because his body was shaking with the sobs that came out of him. Eventually, there were billions of new stars that lit up the galaxy like nothing else. God then took him back down to the exact spot they had left, and told him to look up. When he did, he sobbed even harder as he leaned into God's arms. He could usually see the stars and the faint dusting of the galaxy from Earth, but now it was as if there was a river of shining stars, and the river was thick with joy, love, humor, fondness, protectiveness, surprise, pride, sorrow, and grief. "Thank you! Thank you! I-I know you can't stay here long, but, just for a while, Mother, please." He begged as he clutched her robe._

_"Of course, Raphael." She said gently as she held him close, and if a stray tear or two left her, Crawley didn't say anything, and he didn't need to know._


	8. A Talk with Luci

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off...... O_o I have NO IDEA how this chapter or this FIC ran away from me so fast, but DAMN! Wow! I am a bit sorry, but also not! Let's see where this goes! I hope you enjoy :)

"I've shown you a memory of him at least taking care and losing a child. He's done that many more times throughout his life. I will tell you that in the fourteenth century, he took care of and raised to full maturity and happiness...fourteen children. I can also see deep within your heart, that you wish to know what happened during the apocalypse while you weren't there. I can just take you there, if you like. You can ask Crowley about the rest of his life, and I'm sure...after you talk with him about what you've seen, he'll want to speak with you."

"N-No...he...he told me about the time he had by himself, I just...I know there's so much you wanted to show me, but I do believe I witnessed the two most heart-wrenching memories I could've witnessed. He told me he was shattered when he thought I had been destroyed in my bookshop. I...I think...more than anything...I want to speak with him. Six thousand years and...I wish to speak with him."

"So be it." God nodded in understanding, because, in truth, she did understand. She waved her hand and they were back at the bookshop. "Not much time has passed. Do what you will, but be careful, he's likely to be on edge and severely self conscious at the moment."

"Thank you, Lord, but um...might I ask you a question?"

"What is it?" She smiled brightly.

"If I were to um...become his mate again...would you allow us to be married a-a-and have...fledglings?"

"My, my, my...thinking ahead, are we?" She giggled warmly. "I'll marry the two of you myself if he says yes to you, and I'll give the fledglings very special blessings and gifts. Oh..." She blinked in shock. "...Lucifer just showed up at Crowley's. Here, I'll put a cloak on you that'll make you completely invisible in every sense of the word. Just say or think the word 'Apple' and you'll reveal yourself." She waved her hand, and Aziraphale felt a solid blessing wash over him. Then, she vanished with a mischievous wink.

Aziraphale nodded his head and wasted no time, he miracled himself in Crowley's flat. He knew the blessing and disguise she placed on him were real and true, because he could scarcely sense his own aura, but the aura he did feel was STILL back at the bookshop, which meant Crowley would still believe he was there. As he crept closer, he noticed the door to Crowley's bedroom was open slightly and the light was on. So, he tip-toed despite not needing to, and he listened closely. 

"Crowley, Darling, are you all right?" Lucifer asked him and it caused Aziraphale to swallow a harsh and spiky lump in his throat. 

_'Darling!? That's...that's a term of endearment for...for couples.'_ He thought sadly, but he remembered that God said he never took on another mate, but it was still said with a wave of romantic love. Lucifer loved him, and it was undeniable.

"Yup, I'm fucking peachy, Luci!?" Crowley snapped.

"No need to snap, Darling. You know how I am when it comes to you. You figured me out long ago."

"Yeah, but don't think I haven't forgotten what you did to Aziraphale before my fall!" He hissed.

"You think I've forgotten!? I have nightmares STILL, Crowley!"

"Yes, well, you don't have the permanent reminder scarred to your back!"

"No, I just had my son deny me, and made a show of disappearing into dust. He severed our ties, and that would've been enough, but I thought the dust was a nice touch."

"It was, but you went a little dramatically overboard with the whole 'No, no, NOOOO' business."

"It's called being convincing, Darling, you should try it sometime, because I'm not convince at all that you're fine mentally or emotionally. Physically...you're perfect, but that's not what we're discussing now, is it. Come, tell me what happened, Darling. Grow out your hair for me and I'll brush it."

 _'I want to brush it.'_ Aziraphale whimpered sadly in his mind as he felt jealousy burn in his heart. 

"Fine, just because I was going to grow it out anyway, and when I do grow it out..."

"...it's always a mess. Yes, I know, Darling. Ah...that's beautiful. As long as it was even after your fall."

"I fell for Aziraphale."

"I know. I know it was my fault and I know you'll never forgive me."

"No, I won't. I also know that you won't take on any mates, because you're desperately in love with me. I know that your lustful heart wants to submit beneath me and writhe under my control. I know you want me to tie you up and lick you from jaw to waist and then from waist to ankle. I know what you want from me in every sense of the word, but you won't get it."

"Ngh...must you be so cruel! Now I have a raging hard-on!"

"It's what you deserve." He humphed.

"Are you going to tell me what this is really about? If you don't I'll leave you to your tangles and go take a NOW desperately needed cold shower!"

"It's Aziraphale..." He sighed and there was the sound of on harsh brush stroke through long hair. "...OUCH! You BITCH! That HURT!"

"Yes, well, it's what you deserve! One, the way your voice sounds and how you can suggest things are more potent than any aphrodisiac, and two, it's ALWAYS Aziraphale, so come on, what is it about Aziraphale?"

"Brush my hair like you normally do, or I'm not telling you jack shit!"

 _'Normally!?'_ Aziraphale nearly cried. It didn't help that he just heard Crowley VOICE that he knew what Lucifer wanted from him in an intimate way, either.

"Fine." He sighed dramatically. 

"That's better." Crowley said as the brush made calmer and softer sounds as it went through the hair. "I...well, as you know, Aziraphale and I body swapped and it went well."

"Oh, Darling, you've no idea how well it went." Lucifer chuckled. "He's certainly got the sway of your hips down, but he was cockier towards Beelzebub, Dagon, and Hastur than you EVER were. He was more than convincing, even to me. I had to keep reminding me that it really wasn't you in there. Oh, and when he asked, and I quote, 'I don't suppose that anywhere in the nine circles of Hell there's such thing as a rubber duck. No?' I had to hold in my own laughter. He said that while splashing water at the demons behind the glass."

"He didn't tell me about the splashing."

"Oh there was splashing, but continue, Darling."

"Well, we celebrated at the Ritz, and we toasted to the world. We talked for a bit and then...we went back to the bookshop. I...I can't even...but...somehow...we um...we got to talking and I let slip that I knew he didn't remember me. Then...well...the conversations a bit...fuzzy, but I shouted at him that I knew that he didn't remember me, because we were mates and I begged God to make him forget. Then...I ran."

"I see, so why did you run away from him?"

"Why else? He looked shocked and...and scared. I was never meant to tell him anyway, but everything was just...going so well! I should've known that I'd fuck something up. That and I'm sure he has questions, or he just doesn't believe me. I don't know which would be worse to be honest."

"Take it from someone who's had a one sided love for over six thousand years, Darling, there will ALWAYS be questions. That will never end. The disbelief, however...that's something you need dispel yourself. You told him something so vital and important to his very being and then you just...ran."

"Yeah, I'm a coward, I get that."

"You ARE NOT a coward!" Lucifer growled at Crowley. "I watched you heal fourteen children in the fourteenth century, and I watched you try and heal entire villages before you nearly discorporated from exhaustion. You've raise more children than I've seen anyone do. You've gained and lost so much."

"I'm a coward when it comes to him, and we both know it."

"No, we DON'T BOTH know it. You fell for him. You KNEW EXACTLY what Hell was to be! You were the ONLY ONE who knew how horrendous Hell would be, and you went in his place anyway. That's not cowardice, Darling, that's...that's devotion and bravery. I'm envious of Aziraphale for having such a thing from you."

"Fine, I'm a coward to face him. That better? Either way, I'm a coward."

"No, you're still not a coward. You're not afraid of him, Crowley, you're afraid of him knowing and of you being known."

"What if...what if he doesn't love me anymore?"

"You can't seriously think that, can you? I've asked you every decade if you still love him and if you're certain he still loves you, and you've told me yes for both! What makes you think otherwise?"

"To be honest...I've been thinking it a while now. I'm content in his company, though. Besides, he did have Oscar for a while, and he was happy. I'm glad Oscar could give that to him."

"If I remember correctly, that Leonardo fellow...the one who painted the Mona Lisa...he had a thing for you, and you spent some time with him."

"Not like that I didn't. He confessed to me, but I told him I had feelings for someone else."

"It's me, I knew it."

Crowley chuckled slightly. "It's not you and you know it. It's always been Aziraphale."

"I know, Darling, but what makes you think he doesn't love you?"

"Well...you mean other than the fact that for the past six thousand years he's denied knowing me, being my friend, and then at the bandstand when I met up with him, he told me it was over and that we we're not friends? Gee, I wonder what could give me that idea."

"He...really said that to you?" Lucifer asked, seemingly stunned.

"Yes, he did." Crowley answered with pure heartache in his voice. "Before that, it was the usual. The word fraternizing was thrown around and he always made it a point to remind me that he's an angel and I'm a demon. I understand that the circumstances required that, but...it still hurt."

 _'Dear God what have I done!?'_ Aziraphale sobbed in his mind. He was grateful for the fact that he was able to keep his emotions under control. Blessed barrier or not, he would control himself.

"Crowley, did you ever think...that maybe...he was scared for you as well?"

"I know he was. That much was clear every time I brought up the arrangement or the one time I asked him for Holy Water."

"Ah...so that's how Ligur met his demise. Well, can't say I'll miss him."

"Rapist."

"Torturer."

"Michael's booty call."

"SERIOUSLY!?"

"Yeah, and truth be told...long ago...when you said that 'my mate' ran off with Michael...I never had a mate. I denied him over and over and over again. However, he did like to constantly tell everyone he was my mate. I was surprised when you said it. Didn't think you would stoop yourself as low as listening to idle rumors."

"Hardly idle." Crowley scoffed. "They saw him kissing you."

"Forcibly. I knocked him off and burned his hip for doing that. I never had a mate. I was NEVER going to have a mate unless it was you, and that's how I want it to stay."

"Huh...I had no idea."

"Apparently. Do you remember the offer I gave you after Adam was born?"

"He'll never agree to that sort of thing."

"Oh? But you would?"

"Luci..." Crowley sighed. "...I never said that."

"You never...DIDN'T say that."

"Luci, repeat your offer and tell me how that sounds to you AFTER everything you put me and Aziraphale through."

"Happy to repeat it. Well, Crowley, since I know you're madly in love with Aziraphale and your graces are bound for all of eternity, and I've chosen you to me my only mate even though we're not mates at all, perhaps the three of us can be mates together. That way everyone is...oh...that way everyone is...happy."

"Do you REALLY think he would be happy to be mated with the same being that TOOK OVER HIS BODY, and then USED that body to TORTURE his mate? Do you really think he'd want that?"

"I um...suppose not, but..."

"But what?"

"Perhaps...I can convince him?"

"How?"

"Well, he doesn't technically remember any of that mess."

"Unless God wants him to, and I highly suspect she might soon. So, that's out."

"Let me ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me, Darling, because I don't think my heart could take dishonesty from you with this question. If Aziraphale were to agree of his OWN free will, would you agree to being my mate?"

"ONLY if Aziraphale agreed, but you would be set to rules. YOU would do EVERYTHING that we say, but mostly you would have to do everything that Aziraphale says. Which means if he tells you never to touch me for the rest of time, then guess what, Luci, you won't even so much as brush my hair. You took over his body, you forced him to say and do things against his will, and IF he should EVER agree to the THREE of us being mates, then that will be what would be expected of you for me to agree the rest of the way."

"Would I get a safe word at least?"

"Sure. It would be cruel not to, but that safe word would be up to Aziraphale."

"Oh, because I was thinking Eden or Apple."

"Apple?"

 _'Apple?'_ He asked in his mind, and then immediately regretted it as the barrier began to fall away.

It fell away so fast that he stumbled and tried to use the door for support, but it moved and he fell to the floor. "Aziraphale!?" Crowley and Lucifer squeaked at the same time.


	9. End?

Aziraphale quickly scrambled to stand up, but once he was, he took in the sight of Crowley in just his boxers and socks while Lucifer was wearing a buttoned up red dress shirt, black pants, and black socks. He also watched as the brush was miracled away and there was a look of fear on Lucifer's face. "L-Listen, Aziraphale...it's not what it looks like..." Crowley tried desperately to sooth the situation as he got up from his bed.

"It's not?" Aziraphale asked, despite knowing exactly what it looked like. "It looks like you were in just your boxers in bed with another being from Hell, and they were brushing your hair. Sorry to have disturbed you."

"Aziraphale." Lucifer began.

"Don't." Crowley warned.

"Who do you think I am? I saw recognition in your eyes. I shouldn't see that in YOUR eyes. Who do you think I am?"

Aziraphale let out a heavy sigh and nodded as he stepped towards them. "You are Lucifer." He stated seriously.

"I...I am." He nodded truthfully.

"H-How long have you been standing there, Aziraphale?" Crowley asked with real fear in his sunflower colored eyes.

"Since he asked you if you were all right and then you snapped at him saying that you were peachy. You also called him Luci." Aziraphale answered and after he was done speaking, Crowley and Lucifer both paled to an incredible degree.

"S-So...everything." Lucifer breathed out.

"Yeah." Aziraphale nodded his head as he stepped even closer. "Including Lucifer being OUR mate, Crowley. I heard that it was up to me."

"It is." Lucifer nodded his head. "I...I'm...no..." He looked down on the bed where he still sat and he shook his head. He then stood up until he was standing in front of Aziraphale. Once there, he turned around and fell to his knees with his back facing towards Aziraphale as he let out his wings that were no longer monstrously shaped, but formed with six wings that were every dark shade of red imaginable. "I cannot apologize. I don't have the right. I always...wondered what I might say to you if I saw you again. Never came up with this, though. It's only right."

"What is?"

"That you...rip my wings off. That you torture me and make me suffer as I made you and Crowley suffer."

Aziraphale thought about it. It was an intriguing offer to make Lucifer suffer as he suffered, but for six thousand years, he hadn't remembered that suffering while Crowley did. Six thousand years, and...despite what Crowley said, he can feel Crowley's forgiveness coming off of Lucifer. It was there. Crowley had forgiven him long ago, and if Crowley could forgive him for the unimaginable suffering, then he could, too. "I'm not going to do that."

"Because you're not like me. I understand."

"No, you don't understand. Please stand up and face me, Lucifer."

Lucifer flinched and shook his head. "I...I don't know if I can."

"I remember. I assume you let it slip on accident about the torture you caused me, but God allowed me to remember. I remember you taking over my body and using my sword to harm my mate Raphael. I remember you growing claws onto my fingers to tear at him. I remember you doing all of that to us, so you WILL face me. Tears or pride be damned, FACE ME!" The last two words were said with the power of a Cherub, giving him no choice but to stand and face Aziraphale.

Meanwhile, Crowley looked as if he were trembling in fear and awe at Aziraphale. "Angel..."

"No, I'm talking to him right now, Crowley."

"Right, got it." Crowley squeaked as he nodded frantically.

"Good." He gave one nod before looking up at Lucifer who was just a tad taller than Crowley. "Lucifer, Crowley lied to you about something."

"I WHAT!?" Crowley shouted.

"Hush, Dear." Aziraphale rolled his eyes with a slight shake of his head. "He lied to you when he said he didn't forgive you. I can sense it. Crowley's forgiveness on you. I can also sense what the forgiveness is for. He forgave you, and if he can do that...I suppose...I can, too."

"You...you what?" Lucifer whispered in disbelief, and Aziraphale could feel the hope coming off of him in waves.

"I forgive you." Aziraphale said steadily with a soft smile.

"Aziraphale...he took over your body and forced you to bloody me up!"

"And I forgive him. There's real remorse in him. I can see that." Aziraphale looked at Lucifer up and down and he couldn't deny that he was certainly attractive, and his mind was swimming with the offer Lucifer gave Crowley, but mostly he felt warm all over as he thought of the terms that Crowley gave him. It did intrigue him quite a bit, and Crowley openly said that if he agreed to it, then he would agree as well. "I've made my decision, but I must ask you to leave so that I may speak with Crowley alone. I'm sure he has his ways of calling you back."

"I understand." Lucifer nodded before leaving in a puff of red light and smoke.

"Aziraphale?" Crowley asked carefully. "You...You remember?"

"I do. I remember. I remember making love to you very passionately in Heaven, and how sometimes, in mortal time, we would go at it for months without end." At his words, Crowley's eyes instantly rounded as they dilated. "I want to ask you something. In Heaven...you said that you would only ever love me. Is that still true?"

"Yes. I only love you."

"You've never once entertained the idea of mating or having sex with Lucifer? Don't lie to me, Crowley."

"I had never thought about it. For me, there's only you. There only ever will be. The time we shared in Heaven...still remains as one of my most precious memories, because it was with you."

"Do you WANT to accept his offer for the three of us? I heard you say that you would if I decided, but I want to know what YOUR choice is. I refuse to do anything without knowing you completely Crowley."

"No, I don't want to, personally. I still remember what he did, and yeah, I forgave him for it, but...there's so much pain he caused in more than just us, I...I can't sleep with that. I can't...No..." Crowley's eyes that were once dilated shrank to deathly slits. "...I REFUSE to allow him anywhere near your naked form. I can't do it! You're mine!" With that, Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale and sank his fangs in the nape of Aziraphale's neck, causing the angel to moan loudly.

"A-Aphrodisiac v-venom! Oh..." Aziraphale ground his hips against Crowley, but realized he was also pushing the demon away, so he took Crowley's shoulders, shoved him off of his neck, and then pushed him up against the wall with his effort full and aching. "...b-before we get started, because believe me, Dear, I have gained some ideas through the years on how to get started...you should probably tell Lucifer that both of our decisions are no."

"R-Right. Ngh, but...does it have to be before sex? Six thousand years of celibacy, Angel."

"Then you can wait five more minutes to explain to him the answer. Otherwise, he may be waiting for a couple of years before he gets an answer."

"A-A couple of YEARSSS!?"

"Once I get started, My Dear, I don't plan on stopping. You and I being able to have so many different efforts and options at will? Oh, I'm not going to want to stop."

"L-L-Letter. I...I have to write a letter."

Aziraphale smirked at him with a risen brow as he slowly took off his overcoat. "You better get to it then, My Dear. The longer you take, then the longer you're going to have to wait for your turn, because if you don't hurry, I'll have to be forced to entertain myself as it were." He folded up his over coat and placed it on a nearby chair before he began to remove his pocket watch.

"RIGHT!" Crowley nodded quickly after wiping away the drool from his mouth. He miracled a piece of paper and a pen, and began to write as fast and neatly as he could. "There!" He said, but when he looked at Aziraphale, the angel was beginning to take off his blue button up shirt to reveal an undershirt underneath. "Hngh!" Crowley miracled the paper to Lucifer and promptly picked up his angel by grabbed his but, and then laying him on the bed. "MINE!" Crowley growled as he began to carefully undress Aziraphale.

"What...did your letter say word for word, My Dear?'

"Word for word? Really, Angel?"

"Well, I guess I can always satisfy mysel-"

"'Lucifer, Aziraphale and I discussed it, and though I've forgiven you, I cannot emotionally or mentally allow someone to lay near My Aziraphale as I have. He will also be the only one I ever lay with as it has been proven through six thousand years. I hope you'll find someone that makes you happy like you wanted me to make you happy, but I've found my mate. I wish you love and happiness, but I can't provide those things for you.' I signed it A. A. J. C. R. so he would know it's from me."

"Goodness, what are all those letters for?"

"Archangel Anthony Jay Crowley Raphael." After he said that, he received a letter in response. "Well, that was fast." He opened it and read it aloud, 'Darling Crowley, I would never ask you to do anything you don't want to do. Your forgiveness and friendship are enough for me. However, just as you feel for your Aziraphale, I feel for you. I will have no other but you. Perhaps...my heart may change someday, but today is not that day. I wish you love, lust, damn good sex, happiness, and please, hurry up and get laid by that delectably attractive angel of yours. You need it! Your's A. L. M.' Well...it seems we have a demonic blessing of sorts."

"A. L. M.?"

"Archangel Lucifer Morningstar. Now, as much as I'd...nope...you know what...no. I want you naked and beneath me now."

"Oh, good, we're of a mind." Aziraphale chuckled low and dark before flipping their positions with ease. He looked down at a stunned Crowley and snapped his fingers miracling their clothes away. "My Dear, I hope you didn't plan anything for a long- What are those?" Aziraphale asked as he looked down to where there was only supposed to be ONE thing in between Crowley's legs whether it be female or not, but that was not the case.

"Ah, um...When I turned into a snake...it um...kind of...altered things down there for me when I have a male effort. I...I asked God about it and she tried said it must've been due to my snake form. I asked her to get rid of it, because it was fucking awkward, but she said she would only make them seem more human when I'm in human form. When I asked her why, she chuckled and walked away, wishing me luck. So...now I have two cocks. I...I'm sorry, I can...I can change to a female..." Crowley looked up at Aziraphale's eyes and saw that now there was only a thin ring of turquoise, due to the black abyss his eyes became. His pupils were nearly complete dilated, and it was not helped by the venom coursing through his veins. "Oh wow...you like this."

"You've no idea." Aziraphale whispered as he wrapped a hand around one of them and moaned at the feeling.

Crowley felt something dripping onto his leg and he looked in that direction with a smirk. "Your cock is certainly giving me an idea of how much you're enjoying it. It's dripping onto my leg."

"It's going to do a lot more than that."

Crowley's eyes widened at that. "Where did you learn to talk like that? Was it from Oscar? He didn't talk like that when I knew him."

"No, he learned how to talk like that from me, and I learned it from books." He leaned down and licked his nipple slowly while his fingers messed with the other, which drew out soft and needy 'Oh's' from Crowley. "Beautiful noises, Dear. I wonder if I can make you come apart without touching your cock?"

"You...You KNOW you can! You did it in Heaven."

"Hmm...I'm afraid my memory might be a bit rusty. I'll have to test that."

"You bastaaaaaaard!" Crowley hissed when Aziraphale bit down on the nape of his neck, much like Crowley had done earlier.

Aziraphale leaned back and took in the sight before him. Crowley was on his back, wanting, panting, and making a pool of pre-cum on himself. "You may not last this time, Dear."

"Six thousand years without sex, My Aziraphale. Six thousand years I've waited for you. That doesn't mean my cocks will do the same now that I know that you feel the same."

"Yes, these wonderful things." Aziraphale said as he looked down at them once again. "You know? I think I will touch." He stated as he moved back to wrap a hand around one of them.

"Ngh! Zira!"

"Ah, I missed that name. So, yes, I will touch..." He moved his hand up and down slowly while applying a bit more pressure just like he knew Crowley liked. "...and..."

"AND!?" Crowley panted as he frantically grabbed the sheet beneath him.

"And...devour." He said low and dark before he descended his mouth on the other cock, taking it fully into his mouth without any strain whatsoever.

"Oh! FUCK! YESSSSS! Oh, Angel, my angel." He moaned as he took the hand gripping the sheet to place it into the cloudsoft and holy white hair.

Aziraphale's heart thundered in his chest at Crowley's sounds and what the demon was calling him. He kept a steady pace, sunbathing in the warmth that his mate's words, sounds, and panting gave off. He slowly got off much to Crowley's displeasure, but he knew what he wanted. "I want inside you. Will you permit me to-"

A snap of fingers, a strangled moan, and Crowley nodded. "Yup! All ready for you. Hurry it up while I'm still sane enough to remember my own name. Want to feel you!"

Aziraphale nodded his head and gently moved Crowley's thighs into position, but not without kissing as much of them that he could first. Once he was done with that, and Crowley was panting and moaning mess beneath him, he aligned himself up and plunged in without warning. "Oh..."

"...Fuck!" Crowley finished as if the breath was knocked out of him in that one sift and full motion. "More! Do that again! You hit that spot immediately! I'm seeing fucking galaxies, Angel!"

"As you wish, My Dear." Aziraphale held good to that as he continuously would pull out at an agonizingly slow pace and then plunged back in, hitting that spot inside of his mate without fail. He then had a better idea as he watched the dual cocks continue to drool over Crowley's body. He adjusted himself while inside of him, and then wrapped a hand around each cock and started sliding his hands up and down in time with his faster thrusts.

Not two minutes later, Crowley screamed his name and made a mess of his belly, chest, and Aziraphale's hands. "That was...Holy Fuck!"

"Hmm...if you were inside me, would that make it an infernal fuck?" Aziraphale quipped as he leaned back just enough to show Crowley that he was slowly licking the mess off of his fingers and hands.

"Ngh! You're about to find out."

"Crowley, I have one request."

"Anything, Angel!" Crowley desperately said as Aziraphale slowly slid out of him.

The angel leaned down to his mate's ear and whispered, "Will you marry me, my dearest love?" He pulled away with a soft smile, which only spread when he saw tears instantly fall from Crowley's eyes.

"M-M-Marriage? A-Are you sure? I...but...Heaven and..."

"If it makes you feel better, I got God's blessing ahead of time. She even said that she would do the wedding and personally bless any and all fledglings that we have."

"Fledglings!? Marriage!? Okay, I could've been wrong. The world ended, I died miserable because I lost my angel, and I'm just in a demon's version of Heaven."

"No, it's all very real, Dear." Aziraphale giggled. "Marry me, be mine, and then..." Aziraphale held a hand to his belly as tears threatened to fall from his own eyes. "...allow me to carry your fledglings, please?"

"A-Allow?" Crowley whispered out in disbelief as he sat up and placed his own hands over Aziraphale, the tears becoming relentless as they continued to pour from his eyes. "Aziraphale, my angel, my love, I...yes, I will marry you and I would love to have fledglings with you. Yes. To all of it. Just...don't talk as if it's an honor to carry my-"

"-but it is." Aziraphale finished as he grabbed Crowley's hands and lifted them up to kiss them. "It would be. You've been overly kind and understanding, and far beyond faithful! Have you even taken yourself in hand?"

"N-No." He shook his head. "That...was the first time I've ever...on Earth."

"That makes it even more an honor, My Dear. You've waited and waited and waited, and have asked for so little in return after I've ridiculed, scorned, and belittled you. I hope someday you can forgive me..."

"...I already have." Crowley quickly stated.

"Remarkable." Aziraphale said wetly through his tears. "Yes, it would be an honor indeed to carry your fledglings. I-I-If you want any...that is."

"I want as many as you're willing to have."

"Oh! Then...you did say yes to marrying me...yes?"

"Of course!"

"I suppose...we should get started. When we're worn out or when we decide we're done, we can even look for a house together, or perhaps a small cottage."

"I would love that." Crowley sighed. "Now, get over Aziraphale, and I do believe...if you want fledglings, you're going to have to change a few things."

"As you wish, My Love." Aziraphale sighed, and he knew that he would spend the rest of his life looking back fondly on the memories and understandings they came across, and the new exciting ones they would discover later.


End file.
